In between Butterfly Labs buying Buttcoin and the FTC saying “buttcoin,” we made the move to our new home here at the Buttcoin Foundation. We did, however, suffer a grievous loss during the move: many of our posts highlighting the best Bitcoin mining rigs were lost. Today this changes.

Some of these may be repeats, but here is the Buttcoin Foundation’s entire collection of amazing mining rigs.

The post Mining Rig Megapost appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

In case you needed more proof that bitcoiners don’t understand humor, SA Forums goon surebet went wading through the�shitheap at Bitcointalk to find more “jokes” written by them. He is a braver man than I.

One evening the bitcoin blockchain came to a halt, it turns out Chuck Norris had mined all the remaining bitcoins, and the difficulty was larger than Graham’s number.

Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?
A: The Leprechaun took it and traded it for bitcoins!

lol bitcoin its orange .
orange not give happines
but always gives money
how my jokes cans makes you laugh right ?

Why did the bitcoin cross the road?

To get to the china bubble

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Bitcoin.

Bitcoin Who?

A peer-to-peer decentralized crypto-currency that utilizes open source software and public ledger called the blockchain to provide proof of work in solving the encrypted transactions ultimately increasing security and control in your personal finances.

How many Bitcoins does it take to screw the banking system?
Moon.

Jack and jill went up a hill, both with half a bitcoin.

Jill came down with 1 bitcoin, that fucking whore.

Schrodinger’s cat knows your private key. Maybe.

How do you make enough time for all the work and play with your computer?
– You don’t. You mine with the GPU.

How do you know it’s P2Pool?
– Balance still 0.00000000 after months of mining.

How do you know it’s Bitcoin?
– All your inputs are less than the minimum fee per input.

Why did the Bitcoin cross the silkroad?

To commit computer hacking, traffic in fraudulent identification documents, and money laundering conspiracy.

Is that an Antminer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me.

A Gavincoin and an MPCoin meet in a bar. Says Gavincoin to MPcoin: ‘fork you!’ Says Mpcoin to Gavincoin: ‘No, fork you!’

A Bitcoiner jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Bitcoiner: Just take me for a ride.

A Shitcoiner jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Shitcoiner: What makes you think I’m goin’ anywhere?

A Dogecoinger jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Dogecoiner: Very far. Much fast. Wow.
Cabbie: Wow, as in Bow?
Dogecoiner: So clever.

The post Bitcoin is still the punchline appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

I want you to read the following block of text without thinking about how well your day is or isn’t going. This will induce spastic cringes so powerful your sleep apnea will be cured.

The title of this Reddit post is “I just forced a business to accept bitcoin whether they wanted to or not.” The author is unknown, since, as you can see in the picture below, the [deleted] tag is where the name would be (We think its this guy), presumably after the negative shit he got from this post. Here’s the full text:

So today I took my kids to the pumpkin patch. It was a family farm and there were about 100 kids there. So it was nice, kids found their little pumpkins and were happy. Then I go to pay. Well I waited for 15 minutes, but nobody came to take my money. I walked to their house and there was a phone number there to call if nobody was around. Called it twice, left a message. Still nobody came out to take my money. I waited a total of 35 minutes and I don’t believe in stealing, but I’m not about to sit in a car for 30 minute car ride home with a 3 year old and 5 year old screaming at me as to why I left their pumpkins there, so I took them without paying.

Got home, found the farms email address and emailed them payment in bitcoin from coinbase. If they accept bitcoin next year, I’ll go back and buy more pumpkins. If not, fuck them, they will probably be out of business anyway since nobody was manning the register for a full 35 minutes(or longer)

Just in case there was any doubt, here’s the original post.

There are many things fucked up about this story. Here’s a short list, and feel free to add in the comments below if I missed anything:

1. Has this guy never been to a restaurant with a shitty waitress, and, instead of waiting for her to take your card, you just went up to the front desk and paid the guy at the register? There are ways around the problem of no one manning the register. One Redditor commented

brycey06
they didnt have a mailbox you could put your money through?

He could have just left the money there, as well. I don’t think anyone would steal the cash, especially if the guy had left a note saying “You weren’t here, I saw a price list, here’s your money, Love, Dave” or something. But if you think it might have been stolen, he could have left the cash in some odd nook and�cranny, and emailed them to say�”You weren’t there, the cash is behind the rosemary” or whatever. There are multiple ways to be a good person.

2. What the hell were his kids doing this whole time? He said he waited 30 minutes. During that time, were the kids with him? If so, did the kids see Dad here steal the pumpkins? What the fuck kind of example is that?!

pm_me_pasta
Good example to show your children.

“No one’s here so we’ll just steal the pumpkins, kids!”

You could have made this a lesson in ethical behavior that they would have remembered. Oh well.

This guy is right. You could have tried to pay and taught your kids “This is the right thing to do”. I thought that’s what you libertarian and/or Freeman of the Land types were all about: Integrity, respect, honor, pulling yourself by your bootstraps, etc. You threw your battle-hardened ideals out the rear window for some pumpkins? The fuck kind of movement is this?

3. The farm did not accept Bitcoin, yet you paid in Bitcoin. User “pm_me_pasta” summed it best:

pm_me_pasta
Couldn’t agree more. From the farm’s point of view:

“Hey mom and pop pumpkin farm, no one was attending your register so I helped myself to some of your stuff. Don’t worry I’ll pay you later in Japanese yen.”

Assuming this is a working farm, they don’t have time to figure out what a Bitcoin is, let alone get payment for it. I know CoinBase, its where I keep my BTC that I have no idea what to spend it on, but sending and receiving payment are two completely different experiences.

If your sending, say to your bank account, it takes me 3-5 days to get it transferred. If I’m sending it to Silk Road to score some smack, its 10 minutes. If your sending it to that farmer, he has to set up a CoinBase account, then his bank info (With Routing Number, Bank Number, Account Number, etc.), then wait for the bank to be verified, which can take 2 days for them to do that thing where they send you some pennies and you see what the exact amounts were. Then converting it from BTC to USD takes 3-5 days.

That’s 7 days to receive payment. YOU COULD HAVE JUST KNOCKED. Which brings me to my next point.

4. WHY DIDN’T YOU KNOCK? There was 100 other kids there, it was a well kept family farm. You mean to tell me you went to one spot and waited for half an hour, and that’s it? I understand, they should have been there, that is a point against them, but they had to have been somewhere! Its a family farm! Go to their front door, they won’t mind you bothering them! Your giving them money! And even if you are bothering them, like they’re having a family emergency or something, you ask where you can leave the money. Or your just leave the money by the register with a note of what you took. Or you leave without pumpkins, and tell your kids you’ll come back later. But you don’t steal! Why the fuck did you steal the great pumpkins?!�Did Linus put you up to this?

“Did you get the pumpkins, lil’ bitch?”

5. There was a phone number, you called twice and left a message. With all we have established, you could have, from that point onward, been polite enough to say in the message anything we have suggested here. But assuming your a smart guy, which, from what we’ve seen, you aren’t, there is another option: Just leave.

Leaving could have fixed two problems:

1. I wouldn’t have had to have written this!

2. Your kids could have learned a lesson.

But you didn’t want to waste gas! That’s why you stole, because your kids were miserable without the pumpkins!

Your kids went to a farm with “a hundred other kids”, had a blast, and might have a great memory of their dad getting them some pumpkins to carve later. But when they find out�that you stole them, that memory is going to be tainted.

The reason we think user “peilthetraveler” is the original poster is because of this comment:

peilthetraveler
Yeah, probably should have just left the pumpkins, I would’ve had to suffer with 30 minutes of screaming kids, then I would’ve got home and been so pissed that my time was wasted i would’ve got on yelp and dragged their name through the mud, plus since its a small town, got on facebook telling everyone how bad the customer service was, cost that farm hundreds of dollars worth of business(maybe more because once I told everyone there was nobody manning the cash register all the “real” thieves would’ve come out of the woodwork to get the easy pickin’s) and then we all suffer greatly.

At least my way, they got their money, my time and gas wasn’t wasted for nothing and kids are happy. It was the lesser of 2 evils.

This guy makes it sound like he’s in control of everything here: If he does get his way, the kids love him, he didn’t waste his gas, and they have pumpkins, which kids love, cause its like legal stabbing.

If he doesn’t get his way, though, no problem, since he can do a negative review on Yelp and cost them hundreds! Then go on Facebook! And then we all suffer greatly, cause where else am I gonna steal pumpkins next year! I’m such a sadist!

“Bend over.”

Also, he implies that if he had bitched about the farm and its lo 30 minutes+ of unmanned register control, the “Real Thieves” would steal straight from the unmanned register, because that’s a thing that happens.

2 points I want to make here:

1. You stole. You may pass it off as “I paid in Bitcoins, whether they like it or not”, but they don’t accept it. Like I covered earlier, its hard to get that money if you’ve never been set up to accept Bitcoin before. And to any business, revenue is important. So they have lost money on you taking product, ergo, you stole. You had 30 minutes (Or longer, since you weren’t being rushed) to put money down, and you didn’t. You can claim “Bitcoin!” until your blue in the face, but meanwhile the farmers you stole from are�out whatever they charge (Lets say $5 a pumpkin), which does add up, over time. To offset that, they may need to charge extra on a few other units, because that’s how stores offset the costs of stolen merchandise.�You robbed them, and they’re the bad guys?

2. When I said earlier “Just leave the money on the counter with a note”, I mean that. No one is going to steal that money. There’s 100 loudmouth kids there. Assuming they didn’t all get there on their own in a massive horde of toddlers, their parents are there. And the average Joe that would take their kids to a pumpkin patch has enough moral lessons and ethics to see a note on the table or just cash and not take it. The only people who would do that are lowlifes who steal. And, as we have seen in point one, that’s you.

This guy�had no control here. He took the worst possible avenue. And things weren’t going to go that horrible “I’m going to post on Yelp, and I hope they lose $10 billion trillion quadrillion dollars because I had to wait for 30 minutes while they milked cows or something” direction either, because it doesn’t work.

When Amy’s Baking Company was on Kitchen Nightmares, its Yelp rating was one of the things they bitched about the most. Its what got them on the show. Yet look at it now: 3 star rating. Its never been a question of it being a shitty place, its not. It looks nice, the food is decent at worst and fantastic at best. Gordon Ramsey said it was a pleasure to be there when he did his inspection of the place. The problem wasn’t the food, it was the owners shitty attitude and behavior! And yet, despite the beating they got, they’re still open. That is one of the worst examples of Yelp being used to “Take down” someone, and they’re still fucking here. If the whole fucking internet, with all its lethargic muster, couldn’t bring down Amy’s Baking Company, then you can’t bring down “Fuckin’ Pumpkin’ Inc.” because they weren’t there to complete a transaction. And, again, your the asshole here, because your the one that stole.

6. What the hell possessed you long enough to get onto Reddit and brag you ripped off a family farm. Did you seriously think that was going to go well?

In the words of Bill Maher:

“I can’t even think of a suitable analogy for that disconnect. Its like thinking getting a handjob will clean your garage”

Those are just some of the quick thoughts I jotted down. If I missed any, let me know below, so I can steal them and update this article pretending they are my own.

The post Is It Stealing if the Vendor Doesn’t See You Take It? appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Following are a selection of quotes, either from the leader of a dangerous (or harmless, in some cases) cult, or from a random bitcoiner who has been selected from a massive pool of dangerous sociopaths. See if you can figure out which is which without cheating via search engine:

1: You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody�s crazy.

2: My whole life I have suffered from poverty and have faced many disappointments and pain, like a man is used to. That is why I want to make other people happy.

3: This is a warning that if any of you attempt to kill me, all you will do is prove my reality right. In which that moment I would gain supernatural abilities.

4: We have to relearn, reprogram our brains� the method to do so is to observe if the thought comes and analyze it and replace it then with a better one.

5: If many people listen to me, that�s not my choice, it is theirs and they make it because of how I speak, not despite of it.

6: Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story

7: MAKE MONEY. MAKE MORE MONEY. MAKE OTHER PEOPLE PRODUCE SO AS TO MAKE MORE MONEY.

8: There is something to the Jewish lobby. They definitely wield large influence. They, like many others wield great power in the world.

9: The democratic world has come to a dead end; likewise, the communist world has come to a dead end.

10: Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Because in this case the cure is worse than the supposed disease.

11: We need a political organization to protect us and help us resist illegal governments.

12: Yes, we are in a transitional period and some of it might not be too pleasing to some, but to those who understand, it will be pleasing.

13: There is no direct profit for the church itself. But we have many prophets.

14: Okay, here�s an individual who says, �I will break away from the world.� Now breaking away from the world is not easy. It�s difficult. It�s tough.

15: Reason is man�s main means of survival. Force is bad because it is anti reason and therefore anti man.

16: Up to this point everything I had learned seemed ideological and somewhat abstract, but I felt the need to point out these truths to others.

After the break we�ll provide the answers.

1: Charlie Manson
2: Jim Jones
3: some Bitcoiner
4: Ra�l
5: some Bitcoiner
6: Harold Camping
7: L. Ron Hubbard
8: some Bitcoiner
9: Sun Myung Moon
10: some Bitcoiner
11: some Bitcoiner
12: George Adamski
13: some Bitcoiner
14: Marshall Applewhite
15: some Bitcoiner
16: some Bitcoiner

The post Bitcoiner or cult leader? appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Few Bitcoin stories are as enduring and as entertaining as that of perpetual loser Logansryche, one of the least successful bitcoiners out there. From failed virtual businesses to failed real businesses to failed business ideas, he embodies the true spirit of Bitcoin.

He was well known for being one of the �best� ideas guys out there, starting with his past business experience: a now defunct Second Life animal shelter. He would take in abandoned virtual pets, virtually feed them, and find them new virtual homes with virtual owners. This ended predictably, with all the fake animals starving to death in Videoland. This somehow qualified him to run more advanced and profitable businesses, such as BitCard, his online gift card store, but with Bitcoin! BitCard, originally hosted on some shady free webhost, was to supply not only a wide array of retail gift cards, but collectible trading cards as well, such as rare (not actually rare) Pok�mon cards, baseball cards, and of course, Magic: the Gathering cards.

He had high hopes for his little store, keeping people updated at the Bitcoin forums, where nobody paid much attention except to tell him to buy a real domain instead of using what was probably an open relay filled with Russian spammers. After mooching off a friend to buy a real domain, he finally set up thebitcardstore.com, where he first sold (didn�t sell) trading cards, and then added gift cards. The site was plagued with issues that he never really fixed, such as �being able to purchase things� or �staying open.�

In the meantime, he advertised his services as a �developer� and offered to set up stores for other Captains of Industry. His first (and only) customer reported a less-than-stellar experience. Logansryche claimed to have worked on things for a grueling seven hours, only to have nothing to show for it. Once his customer discovered that nothing worked correctly, Logansryche demanded an additional payment to fix it. In his defense, �Bravenet uploads files in chunks under 30mb externally, it took� 3 1/2 hours to upload Open Cart and 2 modules� which allegedly weighed in at 100 MB. He knows how long it took because he marked down each attempt to upload on a Post-It note on his monitor, so everyone knows. Insisting that the initial prepayment was a gift, he demanded more money for doing nothing, in typical Bitcoin fashion. Eventually his customer offered him a fraction of a Bitcoin because he �did his best.� Logansryche continued to blame everyone else for his shortcomings.

At some point Logansryche decided that he desperately needed a 1994 Ford Explorer, because only that particular year�s model could put up with his hard driving (total and complete lack of maintenance.) So he cooked up various ridiculous money making schemes which, as expected, ultimately failed. One such scheme was selling electronics. By electronics we mean he literally pulled a bunch of components from old PC motherboards and tried to sell each one individually. For the parts that weren�t pried loose with pliers, he was using a small blowtorch to melt the solder and singe the parts themselves. In his own words, �they smell something awful�. When this failed, he went back to hawking gift cards at 70 to 100% markup. When this was pointed out, he blamed some script and now every card is marked up ten percent, which just happens to always equal two dollars. �Do some math yeesh.�

After picking a few fights on the forums, he was called out as a scammer after failing to deliver the one gift card he ever managed to sell. Bitcointalk user cablepair�bought a ten dollar card, and mentioned that he needed it quickly. Logansryche didn�t deliver, since he himself had to purchase the card (now a code) from some other retailer and was beyond broke. cablepair requested a refund and was rebuffed several times, eventually only providing the funds after borrowing them from his girlfriend. This marked the end of the BitCard store.

It was then that internet detectives dug up some hilarious dirt on the guy, including his unhealthy love of Disney�s The Jungle Book spinoff TaleSpin and his sad attempt to petition Disney to hand over the rights to the show to him, so he and a bunch of other amateur manchildren could make new episodes. When told that this was an unrealistic goal, he threw a tantrum and eventually gave up.

The failed store, escrow services, hours-long uploads, and tantrums were nothing compared to his grandest plans: to buy the derelict Hub Theater in Rochelle, IL�and turn it into a wonderland of Bitcoin, soda, and every film imaginable. This was amazing on so many levels, as his lack of planning, comprehension, and business acumen came together to create a huge, beautiful trainwreck. He requested donations totaling $350,000 to completely renovate the theater, focusing primarily on the concession stand and ignoring important things such as parking, fire safety, and the movies themselves. Here is his complete bill of materials:

5? Fountain Drink Counter $579
48? Storage $509 x4
20? Trash Can $415 x2
Topper w/warmer $372 x4
1000 16oz Cups $63
500 32oz Cups $60
500 44oz Cups $68
2k 16oz Cup Lids $61
1k 32oz Cup Lids $40
1k 44oz Cup Lids $41
Corn Dog Fryer $638
Corn Dog Batter $42
1k Corn Dog Skewers $35
Cotton Candy MAchine $495
Cotton Candy Mix $50
1k Cotton Candy Stix $30
Deep Fryer $232
Popcorn Scooper $14
Popcorn Butter $85
20v Fountain Drink Machine $11,000 x2
5gal Diet Dr. Pepper Syrup $67
5gal Dr. Pepper Syrup $67
5gal RC Cola Syrup $67
5gal 7up Syrup $67
5gal Pink Lemonade Syrup $42
5gal Sunkist Orange Syrup $67
5gal Pepsi Syrup $OOS
5gal Diet Pepsi Syrup $OOS
The Hub Theater $175,000
Carpeting need dims
Epson Projector $2,000 x2
Popcorn Popper $958
Hot Dog Steamer $533
Condiment Station $457 x2
Cash Register $200
Credit Card Machine $300
Convection Oven $1,047 x2
Cinema Seats $127,000
16? Pizza Oven $1,574
14? Pizza Oven $1,400
Pretzel Oven $1,400
24�24? Register Counter $275
24�70? Counter $405
Spiral Fry Cutter $458
500 Large #5 Tray $31
50lb bag Popcorn Kernals $35
Popcorn Caramel Glaze $35
Butter Flavored Popcorn Salt $28
5gal Fruit Punch Syrup $51
5gal Hawian Punch Syrup $76
5gal Coke Classic Syrup $122
5gal Barq�s Root Beer Syrup $122
5gal Cherry Coke Syrup $122
5gal Coke Zero Syrup $122
5gal MM Lemonade Syrup $122
5gal Sierra Mist Syrup $OOS

His plans for the rest of the theater�s operations were less thought out. The projectors he�d selected were beyond inadequate, being more suited to a conference room than a theater of any size, and his plans for the films themselves were to obtain DVDs or just stream from Netflix, ignoring copyright and licensing altogether. After being told over and over again that none of this would work, he promptly gave up, his theater dreams unfulfilled. He didn�t resume posting regularly for nearly a year.

Logansryche�s next big business plan was to sell custom made guitar picks, using yet another crappy free website. This is when we learned how the Creative Commons license isn�t actually an alternative copyright option, but allows him to �print any logo [he] wish[es] as long as [he doesn’t] claim copyright to it.� All art, music, literature, and other creative endeavors are free for the taking, as long as you remember to slap a CC logo on it somewhere and don�t claim it as your own. Clearly this is how he would have shown every movie ever in his now-forgotten theater. After being extensively educated on copyright law by a few patient forum posters, he located a cache of royalty-free art. Seventeen days after he began, he had lost interest and moved on to considering purchasing a Sun Microsystems server with money that he didn�t have in order to try Bitcoin mining again.

Catching up with Logansryche today, we find that he�s going to help his cousin become a professional video game player by begging for $3,000 for computer hardware, he�s going to launch an internet TV station about the paranormal, using a the Ghostbusters logo (it�s OK, because Creative Commons!) by begging for $2,000, and he�ll be creating an internet gaming music video channel, also by begging for $2,000. It�s satisfying to note that all three of these are completely unfunded, though he�s kept everyone updated (whether they wanted to know or not) on the status of his pro gaming journey, which is basically �we won a game.�

In addition to this, he�s looking to move from some despondent community in NY to some despondent community in FL:

We are here to attempt to raise money to move from Syracuse, NY to Ornaldo, FL. Our current residency is quickly becoming unlivable. The walls in the bathroom are quickly becoming infested with black mold(which I�m allergic to), the floor in the kitchen have become wavy and the house is generally becoming smaller and smaller by the day. We had an inspector come to the house and he said that the shakes on the outside of the house are asbestos, the porch overhang is ready to fall since the supports were made of metal, and there�s no insulation in the walls anywhere(there�s that crumbly stuff in the attic, but that�s it). We were told by three different contractors that to fix everything would cost over $200,000.00 � Our solution to the matter is to move out of New York and back to Orlando, Florida. I spent eight years there and have a good repitoir with management of Titusville Publix so I would be able to get work there. We found a few properties that would help us achieve our goal.

The first is a property that�s easy to get to from everywhere and costs $90,000 and HOA fees are $500/mo. It�s a 1/1 condo located in Plantation Park. Link

The second is a 2/2 mobil home for in a park for $28,500 and lot rent there is $528 +utilities.

The third is a 3/2 house for sale for $49,900.

Either way we look at it, in addition to these prices, we would need to either rent or buy a box truck and an additional vehicle to drive around in. Before anyone asks, we�re both on SSI and make only enough to cover the mortage, water, electricity, and internet. We�ve cut as much misc money from our budget as we can and it ends up back into the house somewhere. Please help us achieve our goal of $150,000 we would really appreciate it.

Here�s the $49K mansion mentioned above:

And that, save for some minor disgusting personal details, is our very favorite Bitcoiner.

Product goes here. Description goes here. Pathetic existence goes here.

The post Bitcoin community spotlight: Logansryche appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Inspired by a comment attempting to answer the question of using Bitcoin without internet access, Buttcoin has launched a brief investigation into how Bitcoin might work if the grid were to go down:

One of our ham radio pals advised us that �the fastest/most common digital protocol on the ham bands is 300 bps.� That�s right: bits per second. How long would it take to download the Bitcoin blockchain (currently approaching a size of 15 GB) at these rates? After some careful calculation (punching things into Wolfram Alpha) we came to 12.6755 years. But this isn�t the end! Taking into account the estimate that you�d only have acceptable propagation about half a day at best, this time would then double to 25.351 years. Add in an estimated 25% for noise-induced errors and you�re now up to 31.68875 years. Add to this the fact that we are coming off the peak of a 22-year solar cycle�and that in approximately 11 years, shortwave communications will be drastically hindered compared to our current transmission ability so it wouldn�t be outlandish to estimate 40+ years for this step alone.

Provided there is uninterrupted power and reception for over forty years and that the cheap radios bitcoiners would by last that long, you can now spend your Bitcoin. Don�t forget to wait for your six confirmations, and watch out for the FCC!

Thanks jonny290 for helping us with this stupid and terrible thought experiment!

The post Radio Free Libertopia appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

So more stuff on trying to cash out of bitcoins and how �simple� it is.

Virtex responded to my friends ticket, and said yesterday said that the transfer that was fucking requested on the 18th, was cleared. However today my friend�s bank has not received a anything. So he calls them and apparently they can�t deal with this over the phone and will only help him if he puts in a ticket. Even though he pointed out that it takes them a week to respond to tickets.

Also my friend decided to try and just sell 2 of his bitcoins on localbitcoins through their online escrow because apparently people keep telling him e-transfers are safe, because interac e-transfers cannot be reversed! So perfectly safe! Yesterday he accepted an e-transfer and was able to add the money to his account and release the escrow.

Then this morning apparently he was notified by his bank that his account and all associated cards are frozen, and he must come into his local branch and speak to someone. They apparently wouldn�t explain why over the phone. Apparently the person he spoke to had some idea of what bitcoins were (), and after explaining how he sold them. The guy apparently explained that:

– Selling stuff online and using e-transfer for payment apparently violates some part of interac�s terms of service.
– The e-transfer he accepted was fraudulent so it was reversed (i thought it wasn�t reversible!)
– His account is to be unfrozen but he is permanently banned from ever using e-transfers again

It is funny because all the �low� risk methods of selling on localbitcoins, are terrible that nobody really uses. I love how many people messaged me about how safe localbitcoins are.

Nobody here is shocked in the least. More about the local bitcoin sales and the trustworthy individuals involved with them:

Pretty much all the methods of payment on localbitcoins are ether unsafe, or terrible from what i can tell. The two exceptions are cash (we know how well that worked out), or a cash deposit (pretty massive pain in the ass), which both are pretty inconvient.

However localbitcoins lists some other payment methods, and ranks them on �low�, �medium�, or �high� risk. The low risk includes well known and �trustworthy� payment services like EGOPay, OkPay, and Perfect Money. Ironically there is also Western Union, a service which bitcoiners declared bitcoin will kill off. The funny part is, nobody uses the low risk payment methods really, because they are all a massive pain in the ass.

Pretty much all the people on Localbitcoins (and there really is not very many in Canada, less than 200 including people who have not logged on in a month), want you to use something like e-transfers, wire transfers, paypal, etc. Which are all not safe at all. Since one party can cry fraud and boom, you loose your money and they walk off with the bitcoins. Well obviously the best solution is to let your feedback/reputation dictate if your a scammer or not. I see this everywhere:

quote:
If your LocalBitcoins profile has less than 10 confirmed trades or at least 1 negative feedback then you must send/release Bitcoins first.

quote:
Unless you have a feedback rating of 10 or higher, coins will be sent to me first direct to my receiving address. If you have a feedback of 10 or higher then we may use the escrow system (although I will pay 0.5% more if you send it direct).

quote:
Because of our established credibility, if you have a feedback score below 10 we�ll require the BTC to be sent first, either directly to our receiving address or released via trade request.

�Fuck you pleb, escrow is only for us captains of the industry�

OKPay: Does Localbitcoins even know that OKPay does not allow people to use their service for selling crypto-currencies?

quote:
Please note that due to the card issuer bank restrictions OKPAY Card order and funding becomes impossible if you perform operations related with crypto-currencies or crypto-currencies exchange.

Our financial provider for GBP bank transfers restricts further usage of funds for purchasing or exchanging crypto-currencies.

Link

If you look around there is some nice whining from people that OKPay has cancelled and closed their accounts for selling bitcoins. But you know, its �low risk�.

Perfect Money: A virtual wallet service, that nobody seems to use. You need to make an account, get verified, get the money into your account, then wait 3-5 days for the transaction to be approved they also apparently do not allow you to withdraw all your money in one shot and you must keep a minimum balance of 300$ at all times. Also from what i can gather the only way to send money is by sending someone an e-voucher. There is no way to verify the value of an e-voucher, nor is there a way to reverse it. So of course this means that all the buyers want you to send them the bitcoins first then they will send you the voucher and not disappear. Apparently only 3 people on localbitcoins is willing to use this method.

Ego Pay: Some sort of virtual online wallet service. Requires you to become verified to withdraw money from there. Also there is some really sketchy stuff in their terms and conditions:

quote:
EgoPay reserves the right to terminate accounts that act as unauthorized e-currency exchangers and all of the related accounts.

Would selling bitcoin count as an e-currency exchanger? I don�t know i can�t find a single post about someone using EGOPay. However the single most stupid thing about Ego Pay is:

quote:
EgoPay account holders can withdraw funds from EgoPay by using Payza or e-currency exchangers. Times to complete a withdrawal may vary due to security reasons, please visit our FAQ for current information.

So let me get this straight, Ego Pay doesn�t even let you withdraw money to your bank account. You need to withdraw it to another FUCKING SITE? Don�t forget no fees*(only 2.5% for deposit/withdrawal).

So? Bitcoin -> Localbitcoins -> Ego Pay -> Payza -> Bank -> Fiat

Western Union: Aside from the fact that all of the buyers expect you to be responsible for 7% fee even though they are already paying you much less than the �actual� price (aka whatever exchange has the highest price, bitcoiners claim thats the value of bitcoins). There are only 38 users willing to buy, and only 18 of them have logged into localbitcoins in the last 7 days. Furthermore, some of the buyers will not deal with you for western union UNLESS you send them the coins FIRST. Aka no escrow.

quote:
Unless you have a feedback rating of 10 or higher, coins will be sent to me first direct to my receiving address. If you have a feedback of 10 or higher then we may use the escrow system (although I will pay 0.5% more if you send it direct).

I am sorry i simply cannot trust people on localbitcoins when the entirety of their forum consists of users crying about getting scammed, by people who are supposed to be reputable. I love how bitcoiners dance between �DONT TRUST ANYONE�, to �trust me with your 20,000$ exchange, i swear i won�t scam you cause i have a whole 20 feedback�.

Don�t you guys see how great and simple these �low� risk methods are? Honestly buying and selling bitcoin has never been easier.

Clearly LocalBitcoins could benefit from BitcoinTalk�s big red �SCAMMER� tags. That way you�d know not to send your bitcoins directly to someone�s receiving address before they consider paying you real money for them.

The post Easy Come, Easy Go appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

One suggestion that came up over and over again was that they register and confirm their identities with Canadian exchange site CaVirtEx, and cash out there, since Mt Gox has a waiting list that extends into 2015 and other sites are even sketchier. The Canadian Bitcoin ATM is located in another city and wouldn�t be able to handle the volume they�re exchanging. So they finally ended up verified and find themselves halted yet again:

This is awesome. My friend dumps 5 bitcoins on Virtex to sell. Then tries to cash out his monthly max of 3k, and his account is immediately flagged as suspicious and locked.�

It was then noted that CaVirtEx has excessively sensitive automated ban/warning systems.

We shall see how long it takes for them to respond to him. Considering it already takes a week apparently for them to send the money via wire transfer.

Someone explain to me how this is easier than paypal?

No one could provide an answer, and as time progressed, UberJumper�s frustration grew more and more apparent.

This is fucking retarded. Virtex is apparently so backlogged, the current estimate on getting verified is over a month. In the mean time Virtex holds everything you have on their site hostage.

We have tried to sell butts for the last 2.5 weeks, and we have only sold a grand total of 11 butts (i.e. gotten money for it), on top of this all of those sales came when we were selling for less than half the price.

With the price of bitcoin going up up up, i find it hilarious that trying to actually get something useful out of the stupid internet coins has been so fucking difficult.

Does anyone have an idea of how to cash out?

Yet again, gift cards were brought up.

Gyft doesn�t sell gift cards that work in Canada. Also Ebay does not allow reselling of gift card codes: http://pages.ebay.com/help/policies/gift.html

Resident idiot/troll�how!! suggested meeting local weirdos from Craigslist, because he can�t seem to pay attention to the situation at hand.

Isn�t that what localbitcoins is for? We tried that and it was a tedious as fuck process, and we sold almost nothing. We try posting it on Kijiji, and got a single hit. So please tell me where the fuck are these magical people who are jumping over each other to buy bitcoin with cash.

These magical people are all apparently college kids buying weed on Silk Road, which had been closed down for nearly two months by this time. Every �replacement� Silk Road site has turned out to be a honeypot or a scam. how!! is clearly lying, but that was never really in doubt.

In response to yet another fool being parted with his money:

I find it funny that Bitcoin is what 1,000$, yet he is selling for less than half of that.

Tomorrow i get to go with my friend and meet two buyers �

Does anyone know if you can go into a bank and have them check a cashiers check to make sure its legit?

The next day:

Ugh went with my friend to meet 2 buyers. Story time �

We go to meet the first buyer at a bank, who wanted a 120$ in BTC. He didn�t show up at all, finally we call him and turns out he changed his mind and doesn�t want any after-all. So basically he wasted our time.

Yay

The second buyer was someone who contacted my friend through kijiji, and was interested in buying 25 coins at 500$/coin. We drove our asses out to the starbucks he wanted to meet us at, and fuck. This guy was a captain of industry, all he was missing was a fucking fedora.

He immediately started interrogating us on why we are selling, and lecturing us on how �selling at a low price is damaging the local bitcoin ecosystem�. I pointed out we wanted actual real money, so we can buy stuff with, and i don�t give a fuck about the ecosystem. The buttcoiner then proceeded to ramble on about all the awesome ways you can spend bitcoins, and other stupid shit, but he still wants to buy our coins if we are willing to give him 10 minutes of our time. Fine. He then rambles on and on about bitcoins, and how amazing they are and all sorts of awesome stuff, then rambles on about his personal projects (some sort of bitcoin exchange that is going to make it big).

Finally he shut up, my friend gives him the wallet to show him the amount he is looking for there, he �checks� it. Then announces he is tipping us �0.05 BTC to thank us for hearing him out�. �

Then tells us he doesn�t have the money, but if we were willing to �invest� 25BTC into his project, we could get a major stake in it. �We left right then and there.

My friend is currently gungho on figuring out a way to use bitpay to cash out (which i am pretty sure violates their terms of service, and i have no idea the legality of what could happen there).

Bad gimmick poster�My Linux Rig goes the tried and true route, suggesting using an exchange website, which was never ever suggested or even thought of before.

Then please tell me what exchange will deposit money into a Canadian bank account that is not Virtex?

Coinbase? America Only
Mt Gox? My friend has been waiting a month now, and no indication of when he can get any money out. Mt Gox is as transparent as a brick wall with withdrawls.
Bitstamp? Still waiting for verification
CanadianBitcoins? Sketchy as fuck, you send them the coins, they mail you an envelope of cash.

Moving on:

Virtex has denied my friends identity verification and his account is now completely frozen. They give no explanation for what they want, or why it was denied.

Meanwhile, CaVirtEx is very very far behind in their, well, everything:

Total number of verifications outstanding: 1460
Date range we are working on: Nov 23 to Nov 27
Number of staff working: 12 fulltime, 6 part-time
Verifications completed today: 81
Verifications missing info and put into waiting: 92
Outbound Phone Verification calls made: 155
Customer service tickets outstanding: 1,190

The next day, they finally get a response.

Virtex responded to my friends ticket and asked him to resubmit his �correct verification information�. Then outlined vaguely what he needed to submit (which he already submitted), and told him to resubmit.

So another week+ to get verification attempt #2?

When my friend gets fully verified and we dump several hundred coins onto the site, what is going to happen?

The consensus here was �they�ll suspend the account for suspicious activity.�

Still trying, i am guessing the massive drop in price caused 3 of the localbitcoin buyers we were supposed to meet today to cancel. �

The entire trying to cashout has been a massive pain in the ass. Virtex declined my friends identity verification, so i registered my self and i am going through the same process as well in the hopes Virtex will unfuck themselves. The entire system is shit. The longer and longer we are forced to wait the less and less likely it seems we will get a ton of money.

Two days later, they finally receive some �good� news.

So my friend gets an email that he is verified at CaVirtex.

Even though they say unlimited withdrawl limit, his user page says a maximum of 6,000$/month withdrawal.

Unless he gets their bitcoin debit card, at which point he can directly convert his BTC to cash through the card. But neither me or him could find anyone actually using the card online and giving their impressions. So he has ordered one, as a means of hopefully expediting the cashout process.

So he submitted a request to withdraw $6,000, from Virtex and we shall see how that goes. 3-5 Days for a money transfer.

The amount of times i have seen bitcoiners say �You can instantly convert BTC to cash�, is such bullshit.

Three days later, everyone who predicted �suspended for suspicious activity� wins! They don�t really win anything, except maybe for some laughs.

What the fuck is wrong with Virtex. Firstly they advertise Unlimited amount Withdrawls if you fully verify with them. When it is actually has a hard limit of 25,000$/month (after calling them and asking).

Then this afternoon they froze my friends account and cancelled the request for withdrawl, and cancelled his sell orders due to �suspicious activity�. We call them get some lady who tells us to submit a ticket, and very bluntly tells us the only way they can help us is through the ticket system.

Yet we already have two tickets open and unanswered from last week.

CaVirtEx is less than helpful here.

3 Days now and no response from virtex about the locked account, i guess i won�t hear anything until Monday at the earliest.

Which is fucking retarded.

Dogecoin happened�in the meantime and, despite being a joke, has turned into Bitcoin in fast-forward, which itself was just centuries of economics lessons in fast-forward. Nobody has learned anything from it though.

It has basically been a week now, and his account is still frozen, and i am still waiting on verification.

Also apparently they are not allowing wire transfers for now?

quote:
Dec. 17, 2013, 8:43 p.m. � Debit Card Loads and Wire Transfer Update

The Debit card load procedure is temporarily on hold, we will keep you updated as development occurs. For now, we will decline all your load requests so that the CAD is returned to your balance.
Wire Transfers are scheduled to resume shortly, please wait for an official date before attempting to notify or send.

What the fuck is going on at virtex.

Nearly a week later, this is the last we�ve heard thus far:

Virtex has unlocked my friends account, yay!

Also Virtex has recently added something called �Large withdrawals� which apparently allow you to take out 25k+. Except there doesn�t seem anyway to use this method of withdrawl.

He just requested a withdrawal which takes between 3-5 days, and i shall see if we get anything by 2014.

Happy Boxing Day! Let�s see if anything happens at all or if this story ends with yet another theft/loss. Oh, by the way, it�s probably a bad idea to use LocalBitcoins.

The post Easy like Sunday morning appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

“Wikipedia should accept donations in Bitcoin!”

Every time a donation drive starts up, bitcoiners, especially those on reddit, drive themselves into a frenzy, pestering the website’s beleaguered administrative team via email and other messages, hounding them to take Bitcoin instead of things like credit cards or PayPal. This is rebuffed every single time with what has become a form letter:

Thanks for your email and for your interest in supporting free knowledge. Unfortunately we do not accept bitcoin, however, we are aware of bitcoin and we will continue to monitor it with interest. For a full list of other donation options, please visit http://wikimediafoundation.org/wiki/Ways_to_Give/en. Thank you again for your interest!

For anyone who’s worked with the public, especially a segment of the public that is convinced that terrible ideas are in fact good, this is a pretty standard brush-off, meant to fool the recipient into thinking someone cares about their stupid ideas and that they may even be implemented some time in the near future. The reality is that nobody will do anything remotely close to something like “accepting Bitcoin,” “adding the requested feature” to software, or letting your WoW character have every spell in the game. It’s a meaningless message, meant to placate and nothing more.

Regardless, bitcoiners see this as a promise as well as a challenge, and often their subreddit is inundated with posts about Wikipedia as a result. Since they’re so intent on having Wikipedia take their funny money, we looked a little further into the situation.

So far every drive has been successful, and recent donation amounts totaled over $15 million, and according to the Wikimedia Foundation, the average donation was approximately $22. So, if Wikipedia were to directly accept Bitcoin donations, how much more would they stand to earn? As it turns out, not much at all.

In a ridiculously informal and totally unscientific poll, I discovered that the same bitcoiners clamoring for Wikipedia to take their money don’t want to give them much money at all, if anything. Answers ranged from the equivalent of a couple of dollars, with at least two people regurgitating South Park’s “tree fiddy” meme, one stipulating that Wikipedia could have ten entire bitcoins if they “apologize for being wankers about the whole thing,” and many more insisted that Wikipedia no longer deserves their “money” for giving them the cold shoulder for so long. The combined amount from people willing to answer my question comes up to about $23.01. �It took six people’s “generosity” to equal that of one average Wikipedian donator. Most of them wouldn’t donate at all; it’s all just grandstanding to proselytize for their cult.

That doesn’t stop them from sounding like a broken record every few months though:

Some, however, aren’t happy with Wikipedia itself, rather than their choices and ideology.

Wikipedia was probably a CFR/NSA/CIA front from the very beginning.

The whole premise of the site is to mix factual trivia with the many ‘Big Lies’ in falsified history, including major government black ops like the fake 9/11, 7/7, Madrid, Norway, Boston marathon and Sandy Hook terror or serial shooting attacks.

Wikipedia is clearly aligned with the global fascist government drive. It appeared out of nowhere with massive bandwidth and server resources, with no adequate explanation of how it secured these. It continues to report fully debunked and discredited falsified events as real, to aid the UN plans for gun control, free trade open borders, international socialism on steroids, the attack on Christianity, attack on the family etc.

I understand that only reference links from the likes of the BBC, Reuters, AP and CNN are permissable on Wikipedia now. In other words, Wikipedia is nothing more than an echo chamber for the SIX companies that control the global media. Most of the editors are university professors, doctors, economists, civil servants, teachers etc. who are Fabian socialists. The site is a complete joke.

Personally I reckon it’s time for a true anarchist/libertarian version of Wikipedia.

If you really want a terrible anarchic wiki, there’s always Uncyclopedia. I’m not sure they’re too keen on libertarians though.

The post Stop Donating to Wikipedia appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

As the price of Bitcoin trundles to new heights, more and more people are looking to cash in their Beenz and run like Hell before exchanges vanish or are “hacked,” and are finding it to be a rather daunting task. With the popular Magic: the Gathering Online eXchange taking almost two yearsto allow withdrawals, Bitcoiners are turning to smaller exchanges that are ill-prepared to handle the volume, small-potatoes ATMs, or shady parking lot deals made through LocalBitcoins.

We’re here today to detail the story of a man in Canada who happened to mine some Bitcoins back when CPU mining was possible, then forgot about them until the hype started to bubble the price unsustainably. This adventure is proving to be a little more difficult than expected. Here is his story so far, as outlined by SA Forums goon UberJumper:

I just learned my coworker has bitcoins from 2010. He apparently has spent most of the week trying to figure out how to convert them into USD. Mt Gox apparently wants an insane amount of personal information and even then he has to be added to a waiting list to even get any money out, and even then there is apparently some stupid low limit. But he sold some through Mt Gox, and estimates ~3 months before he can get any money out of it.

Trying to sell the coins in person, and basically saying he ether wants Cash, or a Cashiers check (since it can be handed over right then and there), has apparently been a hilarious clusterfuck.

Today he met some guy infront of his bank, and apparently as soon as he mentioned that he needs to get the cash checked to make sure it is not counterfeit, the guy freaked out and basically walked away. Stuff like this has been happening all week, and he apparently so far has only sold a single coin of several hundred.

Even more hilarious, there is apparently a place here that will buy your bitcoins from you. According to him on their site, they offer prices that are less than Mt Gox, so he tried to go in to sell them. Only to be told they will only offer 150$/coin.

Bitcoin is the currency of the future right guys?

The consensus here was “take the money and run.” Not so fast!

I would do that as well, however according to him they don’t give you the money on the spot they take the coins and then send you the funds through a wire transfer. Which means no ESCROW, given how scammy bitcoin is i think he choose the better idea.

Also apparently almost all of Gyft’s Gift Cards are not valid outside of the united states.

He’s already got funds in MTGOX, but it, of course, has problems.

Apparently he already has a 6 digit sum sitting on Mt Gox, and he is fine with giving them his personal information, which apparently can take a couple of weeks to get verified.

He is apparently scared of leaving a large amount of money on some of the other exchanges mostly because he is worried of “What if it disappears?”. He is fine with giving them his personal information, and he is willing to pay taxes/do paper work. He just wants his filthy real money.

I’ll let him know about bitstamp, he is Canadian though, the entire process so far from what i can tell has been a massive headache. I do know tonight he is apparently meeting someone who is willing to give him 500$/coin, so i have a feeling he will end up lying in a ditch somewhere.

This leads to their first experience with LocalBitcoins:

I just got back from accompanying my friend, to meet someone who wants to buy bitcoins. So we go to Starbucks, and wait for this guy who is apparently willing to pay 500$/coin, and wants 50 coins. The buyer shows up, wearing a decent suit, buys me and my friend coffee (with filthy fiat of course), and starts talking about how he buys local bitcoins and puts them on the major exchanges (I asked him if he considered himself a Captain of Industry, and got a weird look ).

Everything was going well, until the buyer tried to write my co-worker a check. Not a cashiers check, just a plain old check that will bounce if there isn’t enough money . Which according to him is apparently as “good as a cashiers check”. He didn’t want to use an ESCROW service, and his “feedback on localbitcoins.something is all we needed to see that he is legit”. Because you know an exchange valued at 25,000$ obviously you can just trust the guys feedback. We left pretty fast.

My coworker is going to try to use bitstamp and see if he can get his money out.

*EDIT* I just realized how completely and utterly stupid this is. Who the fuck does an exchange valued at 25,000$ in a Starbucks? Shouldn’t something like this be done with Lawyers, or Accountants present? Some sort of professional service to handle exchanges like this?

Obviously this wasn’t kosher, but they were willing to give it another try.

I am supposed to go with my friend soon to meet another Captain of Industry, to try and sell 25 butts at 300$/coin. He is apparently paying cash, and has agreed to meet us at a bank, and has agreed to have the cash verified as legit.

Bitcoin is supposed to be worth 800+ according to mt gox, yet getting someone to pay even half of that value in real life is apparently too difficult.

While we waited for an update, our beleaguered heroes were informed of the ease of cashing out via Coinbase:

Guys getting money out of bitcoin is super fucking easy, according to a goon who PM’ed me said i should use coinbase, and can just drive to the US and open an account. The steps involved from what i can tell are:

1. Drive to the US
2. Open a bank account with a bank there
3. Drive home
4. Sign up for Coinbase, give them all your personal information, and wait until your verified.
5. One of the verification steps is:

Complete A Purchase – Buy some bitcoin and wait at least 30 days

6. Ignore all these coinbase horror stories of that are on reddit right now.
6. Sell your coins
7. Since coinbase has no fees* they will take 1% of your money if you try to cash out.
8. Have the US Bank wire it to your other account (who knows what kind of fee it is!)

CURRENCY OF THE FUTURE

Success!

My friend managed to sell 5 of his butts at 400$/butt! So he bought everyone in our group lunch .

Also apparently when you fail coinbase’s identity verification it locks you out for 24 hours.

Someone wasn’t paying attention and suggested LocalBitcoins.

What my friend told me is that a large number of people on localbitcoins, wanted him to use something like paypal, or moneypak codes. Then kindly asking people who want to pay cash to meet at a bank, to verify the cash is not counterfeit, also apparently causes a lot of people to nope right the fuck out of there.

He can’t use gyft and cash out through giftcards because unfortunately the vast majority of the giftcards do not work in Canada.

He sold some on mt gox, and he is apparently in some cashout queue, with no real indication of how long until he can take his money out. Coinbase doesn’t let you use non american accounts to cash out. He is currently trying to get verified on VirtEx.

“Trust me.”

My friend and I went and contacted a buyer on localbitcoins, and met with him at lunch. The buyer was offering 600$/coin in cash according to the listing, and was willing to buy up to 25 coins.

My friend showed up, the buyer instead insisted on paying the entire amount in Amazon giftcards (50 bucks a card, and had a small plastic shopping bag just filled with gift cards).

I asked him how do we know the gift cards are activated? “Trust me”.

Nope.

The score so far?

He has cashed out (as in he has money in his possession and can use it) of 11 bitcoins so far i think (this is over 2 weeks). He sold 30 odd coins on Mt Gox, and is trying to cash out (he is in some sort of retarded queue and apparently there is a limit of how much money you can take out per withdrawal).

My friend is still trying to get Virtex to do anything. He filled in information and sent them all the information required, and is basically waiting for them to consider him verified. They also have a 3.0% fee on selling apparently.

Also apparently they charge you a 50$/month if you do not do anything with coins/cash on their system.

ARTICLE 13 – DORMANT ACCOUNTS
13.1 If you have not executed a trade with your VirtEx account for more than 1 year your account will be considered inactive. VirtEx will charge an inactivity fee of $50 per month up until such a time when the account balance reaches zero. BTC balances will be converted to CAD to pay for this fee, as required.

And finally:

Well this is an improvement:

Hello,

I am interested in purchasing Bitcoins and i am willing to pay $500.00 per BTC. Payment would be provided in the form of bullion gold bars of equivalent value.

Would this be a suitable exchange rate for you?

What the Christ indeed. For anyone left paying attention, cashing out in any appreciable way is a disaster, and you won’t get anything close to the “value” quoted on the various exchanges, which isn’t terribly surprising given that they seem to be subject to manipulation and in no way represent what people are actually receiving for their pogs. If UberJumper and his Bitcoin millionaire pal manage to get anything more out of the system, we’ll let you know.

The post It’s So Easy appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.