Have you not been following up on Bitcoin lately? Been in a bit of a haze from the holidays? Or perhaps you’re a heavy alcoholic, unable to function in a normal society and slowly drinking yourself to death? What ever the case for the New Years Blues, it’s important to remember that 2014 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! And to let you know how amazing Bitcoin has been for the past two weeks, /r/Buttcoin reddit user Zotamedu�has broken down the happenings as of late.

Bitstamp got robbed of 19 000 butts. Their response was to close down everything and say they would be back in24 hours48 hours48-336 hours soonish^TM. They came back after a couple of days.

Paycoin is apparently still a scam according to all bitcoiners. The failure to see the irony is total.

Roger “Bitcoin Jesus” Ver got his visa application denied when he wanted to come back to the US. He got upset that they denined him even though he had paid the his taxes. Apparently, tax is not a codeword for bribing the Embassy. Normal people laugh at him for being an idiot. Bitcoiners cry corruption and tyranny.

CoinTerra went bust and you can now buy their old used miners for only $849 each. They need to get them sold badly because they just got sued for 5 million in unpaid server bills. They are screwed.

Bitpay fired 9 people which was good for bitcoin because reasons.

Cloud miner CEX.io have halted mining because they couldn’t make any money on it any more. That was when the price was still at $270. So there’s no money to be made by cloudmining at $270. The current price of $230 will surely be great for bitcoin and miners.

It seems like Bitstamp has halted all payouts again. Totally not a scam.

The Canadian exchange Vault of Satoshi closed down citing low profitability. They will instead focus on their Netflix VPN service which apparently make much more money.

Overstock goes full Bitcoin and will offer staff to get paid in Butts. They even install a bitcoin ATM at the head office.

A silly iOS game that pays out penny shavings to players managed to use 10 % of all transactions for a couple of days. Quite a few of those seem to have been from a couple of users who quickly figured out how to trick the system to pay out repeatedly without playing. Bitcoiners were euphoric and demanded that more games “gave something back to the gamers”. How that business model was supposed to work remains a mystery. I assume it has something to do with maths and the fundamentals.

The gold dealer Amagi Metals that brings the wonderful world of goldbugs and bitcoiners together revealed plans on going full bitcoin. They plan on only accepting butts as payment by 2016 or 2017. The staff will also be paid in butts. Bitcoiners later freak out as all traces of actual bitcoin payment is removed from the site. Something something problems with evil banks.

Nigeria now has their own exchange. Bitcoiners completely fail to see what’s so funny about that.

Paybase got hacked.

Paybase/GAW claim that they have a deal with Amazon so that paycoins will be usable to buy stuff. It seems like they forgot to tell Amazon about that because Amazon are denying any involvement.

Cloudminer Hashprofit Hashie* gets “hacked” and their site is replaced with references to Disney’s Frozen complete with a link to the song “Let it Go”. It later returns and offer users to mine frostcoins or frozencoins or something. Unclear if it was an actual hack. Most people assume the owners just faked it and ran off with the money.

Then there’s the current 40 dollar drop. It’s a new bearwhalepig, hackers, evil banks, the gubment, illuminati, chinese miners or Bitpay who are to blame. Butters are going mad which is hillarious. On top of that, it seems like miners are starting to pull the plug as well. Stay tuned for a metric ton of comedy gold as this mess unravels.

*Edit: I got the names messed up. Thanks tetondon for sorting it out.

The post 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Butterfly Labs asserted its alpha-male dominance on that bitch-ass FTC today. BFL literally whipped its dick out for the world to see and showed everyone that BFL really stands for “Better Fucking Listen” because that’s what you gotta do now you little weak-ass punks.

Today the judge just straight up said “Fuck yeah, bro” and high-fived BFL’s totally swole hand and then they both cupped balls. This rad judge�let the world know that BFL, while it’s true that they did delay a bunch of shit and straight-up lie to their customers, isn’t�doing it�any more and so the FTC has no right to be all up in their shit.

You see that idiots? BFL stopped doing preorders because our customers finally wised the fuck up so you have NO RIGHT to take their�foam pitchforks.

Also remember how the FTC was all like “Ugh, these BFL guys said you could make money off these things?” when we’ve known that’s not true? Well chew on this:

Read it and weep hombre. BLF told it’s customers on forums that it was profitable but didn’t have it on their own website. Also they bought a shit ton of fucking google ads so .. ya know .. �fucking right, idiots!

So now BFL�can continue on with business as usual and just be a fucking badass and you pansies have to just take it.

Inaba (who totally isn’t Josh from BFL) has this to say about you�nerds, crying to mommy:

Who run this town? Butterfly Labs run this town!

Until the actual trial starts next year and they’re fucked.

The post Butterfly Labs gets FTC injunction lifted, reaffirms they fucking rock, bro. appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

On October 28th the FTC released a statement opposing the defendants of the Butterfly Labs case (Darla Drake, Nasser Ghoseiri and Sonny Vleisides) intent�to pay for their attorney fees with frozen funds. If you remember fondly, Butterfly Labs stole that cash from consumers, so the FTC is saying they shouldn’t be allowed�to�use said stolen funds to support/defend themselves. Note that this is just them opposing it, since they aren’t actually ruling on anything. That’s the courts job.

Meanwhile, the Western Missouri District Court just published a new�2 page order saying Butterfly Labs needs to stop acting like a huge asshole or else they’re going to be called into court for�a separate case to talk about their behavior.

So whats been going on? According to the report:

Disclosure: This was between pages 1 and 2, so that line is where the page split. The quote is continuous, just like your mom.

Basically, BFL is being a child, and everyone else is being the adult telling them not to throw their spaghetti at the waitress, then call her fat. There are�no specifics, but we’d like to assume its the same “YOU DON’T KNOW THE TRUTH” stuff, only against “THE MAN”, but without anyone around to point out to them how stupid that tactic is.

Between not being able to pay for their attorneys with stolen funds and possibly having 2 cases against them in the same court, Butterfly Labs�is completely fucked.

Butterfly Labs is currently being operated by a court approved Temporary Receiver (TR). That means that whoever the court places in that role manages the company until the court makes a decision to return control back to the original owners, or something else (in this case, die slowly yet hilariously, like a man falling into an open sewer and suffocating on jenkem fumes). In this case the TR is Eric Johnson of the firm Spencer Fane�and, looking at his bio, is absolutely qualified to do so. The court, if it finds Butterfly Labs innocent (since this is all just a big misunderstanding after all) will give Butterfly Labs back control and resume operations. Presumably then, the orders will be shipped and everyone will be happy until their miners become obsolete in 2 days.

Except that’s not going to happen because Butterfly Labs is clearly guilty. And with the Temporary Receiver and Court being harassed by these idiots, how do you really think this is going to go down? Well, until it goes the way we hope it does, the company cannot do refunds, take calls, or really do much of anything. This affects 20,000 people waiting for orders that will probably not be fulfilled, and with this distraction refunds will be delayed.

And again, to be clear, some of the tasks of a Temporary Receiver is to run the company so that it can make money to get itself out of the hole. This�includes closing entire sections of a business because it costs too much money or finding assets. The FTC is alleging Butterfly Labs stole up to $50 Million in consumer funds and that could mean there might not be enough for refunds.

So the receiver�and the court are�working on a limited time frame here to do their respective jobs, and Butterfly Labs is harassing them, plus the FTC’s lawyers, and potentially stalling this case out so they can take a court ordered “sit in the corner”-type punishment.

So if you do not get your refund, or if its severely delayed, blame Butterfly Labs for acting like gigantic assholes, turning their company into a legal clusterfuck of both existing (but run by a court) and not existing (its probably going to die in court). If Bitcoin is the honey badger, and the honey badger has no fear of anything, maybe its time for Bitcoin to learn some fucking manners and not attack everything simply because it’s “The Currency of the Future”.

The post Butterfly Labs Has Become a Legal Clusterfuck appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

I want you to read the following block of text without thinking about how well your day is or isn’t going. This will induce spastic cringes so powerful your sleep apnea will be cured.

The title of this Reddit post is “I just forced a business to accept bitcoin whether they wanted to or not.” The author is unknown, since, as you can see in the picture below, the [deleted] tag is where the name would be (We think its this guy), presumably after the negative shit he got from this post. Here’s the full text:

So today I took my kids to the pumpkin patch. It was a family farm and there were about 100 kids there. So it was nice, kids found their little pumpkins and were happy. Then I go to pay. Well I waited for 15 minutes, but nobody came to take my money. I walked to their house and there was a phone number there to call if nobody was around. Called it twice, left a message. Still nobody came out to take my money. I waited a total of 35 minutes and I don’t believe in stealing, but I’m not about to sit in a car for 30 minute car ride home with a 3 year old and 5 year old screaming at me as to why I left their pumpkins there, so I took them without paying.

Got home, found the farms email address and emailed them payment in bitcoin from coinbase. If they accept bitcoin next year, I’ll go back and buy more pumpkins. If not, fuck them, they will probably be out of business anyway since nobody was manning the register for a full 35 minutes(or longer)

Just in case there was any doubt, here’s the original post.

There are many things fucked up about this story. Here’s a short list, and feel free to add in the comments below if I missed anything:

1. Has this guy never been to a restaurant with a shitty waitress, and, instead of waiting for her to take your card, you just went up to the front desk and paid the guy at the register? There are ways around the problem of no one manning the register. One Redditor commented

brycey06
they didnt have a mailbox you could put your money through?

He could have just left the money there, as well. I don’t think anyone would steal the cash, especially if the guy had left a note saying “You weren’t here, I saw a price list, here’s your money, Love, Dave” or something. But if you think it might have been stolen, he could have left the cash in some odd nook and�cranny, and emailed them to say�”You weren’t there, the cash is behind the rosemary” or whatever. There are multiple ways to be a good person.

2. What the hell were his kids doing this whole time? He said he waited 30 minutes. During that time, were the kids with him? If so, did the kids see Dad here steal the pumpkins? What the fuck kind of example is that?!

pm_me_pasta
Good example to show your children.

“No one’s here so we’ll just steal the pumpkins, kids!”

You could have made this a lesson in ethical behavior that they would have remembered. Oh well.

This guy is right. You could have tried to pay and taught your kids “This is the right thing to do”. I thought that’s what you libertarian and/or Freeman of the Land types were all about: Integrity, respect, honor, pulling yourself by your bootstraps, etc. You threw your battle-hardened ideals out the rear window for some pumpkins? The fuck kind of movement is this?

3. The farm did not accept Bitcoin, yet you paid in Bitcoin. User “pm_me_pasta” summed it best:

pm_me_pasta
Couldn’t agree more. From the farm’s point of view:

“Hey mom and pop pumpkin farm, no one was attending your register so I helped myself to some of your stuff. Don’t worry I’ll pay you later in Japanese yen.”

Assuming this is a working farm, they don’t have time to figure out what a Bitcoin is, let alone get payment for it. I know CoinBase, its where I keep my BTC that I have no idea what to spend it on, but sending and receiving payment are two completely different experiences.

If your sending, say to your bank account, it takes me 3-5 days to get it transferred. If I’m sending it to Silk Road to score some smack, its 10 minutes. If your sending it to that farmer, he has to set up a CoinBase account, then his bank info (With Routing Number, Bank Number, Account Number, etc.), then wait for the bank to be verified, which can take 2 days for them to do that thing where they send you some pennies and you see what the exact amounts were. Then converting it from BTC to USD takes 3-5 days.

That’s 7 days to receive payment. YOU COULD HAVE JUST KNOCKED. Which brings me to my next point.

4. WHY DIDN’T YOU KNOCK? There was 100 other kids there, it was a well kept family farm. You mean to tell me you went to one spot and waited for half an hour, and that’s it? I understand, they should have been there, that is a point against them, but they had to have been somewhere! Its a family farm! Go to their front door, they won’t mind you bothering them! Your giving them money! And even if you are bothering them, like they’re having a family emergency or something, you ask where you can leave the money. Or your just leave the money by the register with a note of what you took. Or you leave without pumpkins, and tell your kids you’ll come back later. But you don’t steal! Why the fuck did you steal the great pumpkins?!�Did Linus put you up to this?

“Did you get the pumpkins, lil’ bitch?”

5. There was a phone number, you called twice and left a message. With all we have established, you could have, from that point onward, been polite enough to say in the message anything we have suggested here. But assuming your a smart guy, which, from what we’ve seen, you aren’t, there is another option: Just leave.

Leaving could have fixed two problems:

1. I wouldn’t have had to have written this!

2. Your kids could have learned a lesson.

But you didn’t want to waste gas! That’s why you stole, because your kids were miserable without the pumpkins!

Your kids went to a farm with “a hundred other kids”, had a blast, and might have a great memory of their dad getting them some pumpkins to carve later. But when they find out�that you stole them, that memory is going to be tainted.

The reason we think user “peilthetraveler” is the original poster is because of this comment:

peilthetraveler
Yeah, probably should have just left the pumpkins, I would’ve had to suffer with 30 minutes of screaming kids, then I would’ve got home and been so pissed that my time was wasted i would’ve got on yelp and dragged their name through the mud, plus since its a small town, got on facebook telling everyone how bad the customer service was, cost that farm hundreds of dollars worth of business(maybe more because once I told everyone there was nobody manning the cash register all the “real” thieves would’ve come out of the woodwork to get the easy pickin’s) and then we all suffer greatly.

At least my way, they got their money, my time and gas wasn’t wasted for nothing and kids are happy. It was the lesser of 2 evils.

This guy makes it sound like he’s in control of everything here: If he does get his way, the kids love him, he didn’t waste his gas, and they have pumpkins, which kids love, cause its like legal stabbing.

If he doesn’t get his way, though, no problem, since he can do a negative review on Yelp and cost them hundreds! Then go on Facebook! And then we all suffer greatly, cause where else am I gonna steal pumpkins next year! I’m such a sadist!

“Bend over.”

Also, he implies that if he had bitched about the farm and its lo 30 minutes+ of unmanned register control, the “Real Thieves” would steal straight from the unmanned register, because that’s a thing that happens.

2 points I want to make here:

1. You stole. You may pass it off as “I paid in Bitcoins, whether they like it or not”, but they don’t accept it. Like I covered earlier, its hard to get that money if you’ve never been set up to accept Bitcoin before. And to any business, revenue is important. So they have lost money on you taking product, ergo, you stole. You had 30 minutes (Or longer, since you weren’t being rushed) to put money down, and you didn’t. You can claim “Bitcoin!” until your blue in the face, but meanwhile the farmers you stole from are�out whatever they charge (Lets say $5 a pumpkin), which does add up, over time. To offset that, they may need to charge extra on a few other units, because that’s how stores offset the costs of stolen merchandise.�You robbed them, and they’re the bad guys?

2. When I said earlier “Just leave the money on the counter with a note”, I mean that. No one is going to steal that money. There’s 100 loudmouth kids there. Assuming they didn’t all get there on their own in a massive horde of toddlers, their parents are there. And the average Joe that would take their kids to a pumpkin patch has enough moral lessons and ethics to see a note on the table or just cash and not take it. The only people who would do that are lowlifes who steal. And, as we have seen in point one, that’s you.

This guy�had no control here. He took the worst possible avenue. And things weren’t going to go that horrible “I’m going to post on Yelp, and I hope they lose $10 billion trillion quadrillion dollars because I had to wait for 30 minutes while they milked cows or something” direction either, because it doesn’t work.

When Amy’s Baking Company was on Kitchen Nightmares, its Yelp rating was one of the things they bitched about the most. Its what got them on the show. Yet look at it now: 3 star rating. Its never been a question of it being a shitty place, its not. It looks nice, the food is decent at worst and fantastic at best. Gordon Ramsey said it was a pleasure to be there when he did his inspection of the place. The problem wasn’t the food, it was the owners shitty attitude and behavior! And yet, despite the beating they got, they’re still open. That is one of the worst examples of Yelp being used to “Take down” someone, and they’re still fucking here. If the whole fucking internet, with all its lethargic muster, couldn’t bring down Amy’s Baking Company, then you can’t bring down “Fuckin’ Pumpkin’ Inc.” because they weren’t there to complete a transaction. And, again, your the asshole here, because your the one that stole.

6. What the hell possessed you long enough to get onto Reddit and brag you ripped off a family farm. Did you seriously think that was going to go well?

In the words of Bill Maher:

“I can’t even think of a suitable analogy for that disconnect. Its like thinking getting a handjob will clean your garage”

Those are just some of the quick thoughts I jotted down. If I missed any, let me know below, so I can steal them and update this article pretending they are my own.

The post Is It Stealing if the Vendor Doesn’t See You Take It? appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Gyft is a gift card service that not many people have heard of. Its business is issuing digital gift cards, but the main draw is that it will accept Bitcoins as payment for their gift cards. This has made Gyft a de-facto payment processor for Bitcoin-to-Fiat conversions, being the only way to spend Bitcoins at places like Amazon or Home Depot. You will see this commonly trotted out as a “killer app” for bitcoin, being able to move them to a 3rd party while�Gyft farts out a digital gift card code to be used anywhere the merchant wants nothing to do with Bitcoin.

Today Gyft announced that they would now be selling iTunes gift cards! This got posted to /r/bitcoin on Reddit and hit the front page pretty quickly.

Unfortunately it’s one of the few things they will NOT be accepting Bitcoin for. Bitcoin sales account for more than 85% of their business so I’m not even sure why they bothered.

Enterprising Redditors have found a way to bypass this restriction and use Bitcoin on iTunes.

What about you buy their new Gyft Card and then change it to iTunes? There is always a work around.

See, you can buy iTunes with Bitcoin

https://www.gyft.com/buy-gift-cards/gyft-card/[1]

The Gyft Card allows for maximum flexibility. You can redeem the Gyft Card against any retailer on the Gyft platform, ranging from Amazon.com to Whole Foods Market. Instructions to redeem your Gyft Card:

1. Copy your Gyft Card code.
2. Select the gift card you would like to purchase and hit “Buy Now”.
3. Paste your Gyft Card code into the Promo Code box and validate.
4. Complete the payment process.

Which seems to work but I’m still not sure why you couldn’t just use a credit card? Or even just cash at your local Walgreens? It’s not like these are hard to find.

We found this very handy flowchart on how this whole process is supposed to work. You might want to bust out your dot matrix printer for this one, it’s kind of long.

Either way I’m sure this will go well with Apple and not get the cards yanked like Walmart did earlier this year.

The post The Gyft that keeps on Gyving appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

The Federal Trade Commission filed Case �4:14-cv-00815-BCW� on September 15^th, 2014. In their report, the FTC claims that BFL did a bunch of dumb things.�These include:

–Refusing to refund payment, by flipping between two policies: No refunds, and refund offers that were never fulfilled.
–Josh Zerlan, Vice President of Product Development, testified�that BFL used pre-paid rigs to mine for BTC before shipping (if they were even shipped). This may explain why some were broken messes by the time they got to customers.
–Because the products were shipped so late (or not at all), the rigs were incredibly outdated, and because of that, miners couldn’t use the rigs properly. �(Via FTC):
–Refusing to ship the BitForce miner months after pre-orders, then using deceptive marketing to get people to buy or upgrade to a newer miner, the Monarch.

For these reasons, primarily, the FTC had temporarily shut down operations at Butterfly Labs (From what I understand, some operations have since resumed after a TRO elapsed. More on that later). The FTC has said in their later report:

Given their record of repeated law violations, Defendants [Butterfly Labs] cannot expect the Court simply to take their word�for it that they have abandoned their illegal conduct for good� Defendants� business survives upon income obtained through misrepresentations about timely delivery and profitability that�should be returned to their�victims…�[The] Defendants have failed to explain why the Court should�permit them to resume operations and deplete assets available for consumer redress, especially in light of the Commission�s likelihood of success on�the merits. (Case�4:14-cv-00815-BCW�Document�42)

Yeah.

About that last bit, the �Success on the merits� part. As detailed earlier, BFL is fucked. The FTC has multiple points (and evidence) on BFL�s deceptive practices that are quite compelling. These include:

–BFL admitting that they were behind schedule, while using vague terms that didn’t set a firm ship date. Like, openly saying �Two months or longer� to consumers. Which is not considered “Qualifying language”, AKA �Not some vague bullshit�. BFL later admitted that, with Bitcoin mining, �Time was of the essence�. They ended up never shipping most of their orders, and the ones that did ship, as mentioned earlier, were outdated due to the difficulty rate constantly increasing. That basically means that because the miners weren’t delivered on time despite the company admitting that, in order for their product to be competitive, it had to be operational ASAP, the rare few who did receive their broken, piece of shit machines could not recoup their costs and, therefore, lost a ton of money.
–That stupid calculator they put everywhere, stupidly. (More below)
–The language used to explain shipping delays specifically was �Feeble�, and any excuses they use are bullshit because they clearly were not shipping anything or being reasonable in the meantime.
–They lied about testing the Monarch chip, saying it was nearly finished with “Taping” when, in fact, it was barely even beginning, with internal messages saying to expect shipment in early February 2014. This was November 2013.
–Around the same time they were panicking about the Monarch chip not being close to done, they sent an email blast promising early 2014 would be the ship date. This is, again, vague, not qualifying language, and also�deceptive marketing, because it is claiming that a product that is not close to being done is close to being done, and pre-orders are open now! What a great source of revenue: people trying to jump into the mining game not knowing that BFL was supposed to ship that product months earlier!
–They claim to have a full refund policy for orders between August 9^th-November 9^th, 2013. Hilariously, they have no documents proving this, making this one of, if not BFL’s�most blatant lie when you realize the FTC had to consult �The Blogosphere� to see how customers had to force refunds via Credit Card disputes or lawsuits. The main thing from all of the comments in each thread is simple: BFL did not willingly refund a single damn order, probably in part to their confusing refund policy explained earlier. We’ll call it “Kafkaesque”.
–Later on, they allowed consumers an option to upgrade their order without disclosing that by doing so, they would void their opportunity to get a refund. That is illegal, since you have to notify consumers when you change details like that. Its why you get an email from eBay or PayPal or Tumblr saying “Our Terms of Service have changed”.
– By the FTC�s count, BFL had 3 major products that did not ship: BitForce, Monarch and their Cloud�Mining�service that charged $10/GHS using their Monarch miners. Yet they still advertised new products and accepted pre-orders.
–Not one BFL consumer, not a single one out of 20,000 paid-in-full consumers, got a BFL miner on its original ship date. And even if there was a reasonable delay, since this is supposedly very high-tech stuff were dealing with here, and delays do happen, BFL still has literal tons of Monarch orders left to ship almost a year after the original ship date. That’s unreasonable for any company with orders paid-in-full.
–Those stupid �Y U NO SHIP� pitchforks from our last article on BFL? The FTC sees that as the company mocking their customers. And it�s kinda hard to deny.

Nothing says “We love our customers” than using funds that should go to shipping a product instead going to mass ordering foam pitchforks and torches. BFL 1, FTC 0.

The calculator bit is an important one. For those not aware, BFL posted a calculator on its Facebook and Tumblr accounts, as well as its website and a few other official BFL pages, telling people they could see how much they could potentially earn with their rigs, based on the current difficulty level, exchange rate and how much electricity costs. The FTC says the calculator showed when someone would break even with the machine using the calculator. This is a problem, because since the machine never shipped, these calculations would equal an outdated and useless miner, if and when they finally got their machine. There�s also the fact that an employee of BFL has said they lied about how powerful the machines actually were, meaning the calculations outputted were always wrong, thereby misleading customers, a serious charge that will most likely be one of the main reasons BFL will crumble.

So, in the end, what is the FTC charging them under? The Federal Trade Commission�Act of 1914, a law President Woodrow Wilson signed to stop monopolies and unfair trade practices. Section 5(a) of the FTC Act, 15 U.S.C. � 45(a), prohibits �unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce”, which, as demonstrated above, BFL has done in fucking spades. Here’s the full list of violations:

I’d also like to add “Conspiracy”, just to see Reddit go insane.

AND, before we get to BFL�s rebuttal, let�s not forget that BFL Co-Founder and Innovation Officer Sonny Vleisides engaged in mail fraud by participating in a lottery scheme run by his dad that, internationally, netted $25 Million dollars from victims. He was still on probation when all this insanity occurred, so out of all of them, his odds are the worst.

His Prison name was “SonnyV”.

So…�What was BFL�s response?

Hilarity.

–BFL contends that the FTC is basically Dirty Harry, a good cop gone rogue because of their foaming at the mouth hatred of all things Bitcoin and Butterfly Labs, despite the fact that the FTC noted in its earlier report that the IRS has decided to let Bitcoin be counted as taxable property, and therefore okey-dokey.

–BFL called the FTC �Kafkaesque�, with the following footnote:

�From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.� � Franz Kafka, The Trial.

According to Wikiquote, that is actually from Kafka�s 1918 work �Aphorisms�. Also, the FTC is not acting Kafkaesque, its doing its job. The refund thing from earlier? That is definitely Kafkaesque.

–The first footnote, the very first one, is very adamant about how much the FTC is on a �Campaign� to �Destroy� Butterfly Labs. The quote that follows inside the footnote is as docile as an actual butterfly�s queef:

�We often see that when a new and little-understood opportunity like Bitcoin presents itself, scammers will find ways to capitalize on the public�s excitement and interest,� said Jessica Rich, director of the FTC�s Bureau of Consumer Protection. �We�re pleased the court granted our request to halt this operation, and we look forward to putting the company�s ill-gotten gains back in the hands of consumers.�

Considering the harm these guys have done to thousands of paying customers, that is as calm and reasonable as it gets.

–Despite the FTC�s pretty good explanation of what Bitcoin mining is in its first affidavit, BFL is claiming that THE MAN COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND THE BIGGER PICTURE, MAAAAAAAAN.

Because nothing makes sense if you don’t BELIEVE!

And here is the first page (of 2) from the FTC explaining the basics of Bitcoin:

I’d keep going to the next page, but I think I’ve made my point.

Moreover, their argument that the FTC’s claims don’t matter because they don’t understand Bitcoin (They do) is bullshit as well, because you don’t need to understand something to know its a scam. I don’t know a thing about chemistry, but when I see con artists selling juice they claim cures AIDS, I know that’s bullshit. We all know buttsex�is how you cure AIDS.

–I get a very weird Boston Legal-esque vibe from this motion to dismiss. It�s like some guy at BFL handed in a megalomaniacal rant about how the government hates him and his company to a lawyer, and the lawyer was like �I think I can translate this into legalese�.� Case in point:

… if he BOTHERED to pick up the phone, which I know must have been SOOOOOOOOOO HARD, then asked just ONE question about this thing they CLEARLY don’t know about…

That is an actual quote, from a real court document. That is so out-of-bounds rude for any case document I�ve seen in a while. Even the Whitey Bulger trial docs had class, and that guy ran the Winter Hill Gang! They based Jack Nicholson�s character from �The Departed� on him! Yes, that guy! This document is more offensive than Bulger�s trial, and the fact that he actually killed people is on public record, in pretty graphic detail. Depictions of bodies are less offensive than this motion to dismiss. I�m sure there are other motions on record somewhere with language this glaringly condescending, but I haven�t seen it. I think, side by side, this motion for dismissal�will be used to teach law students how to lose a case before the trial has even begun.

The main problem with the language is the condescension. It is clear that whoever wrote the rant that was translated into legal babble thinks he understands Bitcoin than anyone else, even Satoshi, and just KNOWS that no one inside the FTC could possibly understand such a broad concept as digital currency, because OBAMA.�I’d be willing to bet .000001 BTC that whoever decided to add condescension to their motion against the federal government’s case is probably one of the three main BFL officers listed in the original trial docs.

In fact, going through this whole document, it reads less like a professional defense of a company accused by the government of defrauding investors, and more like if you took the out of touch and not at all accurate legal advice from the comments posted on /r/Bitcoin, got said comments complied into one dump of quotes, and shipped it to a law firm with some of the more confident Libertarians standing in the room, bull-headed as ever, demanding their constitutionally protected day in court be as close to Perry Mason Syndrome as possible.

Yeah, guys, you could have TRIED to learn SOMETHING.

–They did ship some of their �Jalapeno� units, and, in fact, did ship other products as well. It isn’t disputed that some product was shipped. However, there doesn’t seem to be any documentation saying it was 45,000 units. There really isn’t any proof of that 45,000 unit number besides them just making it up. Note that there is no footnote, and there isn’t one on any other page mentioning that number. They are blatantly lying in their motion to dismiss against the FTC. I don’t know if that’s a felony or not, but I hope to God it is.

But that�s not the point. They very well may have shipped 45,000 units, but in the meantime they were refusing to refund customers, mining BTC with pre-ordered machines, not shipping paid-in-full units to customers, and then mocked said paying customers with those stupid foam pitchforks. According to�the FTC, BFL didn�t ship anything to something like 20,000 people who had already paid for their machines. �That�s the point: That they conspired to use customer funds to make equipment for themselves, and then ship it off to the customers when they were done. If that wasn’t their plan in the beginning, it certainly became their plan after, lets say, 2 days.

Via FTC.

–This:

Yeah, FTC, you could have at least TRIED to see we were already being sued for what you’re accusing us of doing.

Oh, so NOW the FTC wants to protect consumers, even though we were already being sued for our deceptive practices by someone else! They should have stopped us sooner! Well, it�s too late now, and that�s how law works, so I think were in the clear.

And for those wondering about the footnote, well�

If Plaintiff already knew about the District of Kansas putative class action when it filed its ex parte papers, it had an ethical obligation to inform the Court of the existence of that case.

Basically, the FTC should have known they were already being sued in Kansas, and by not putting that in their briefing they�re basically liars, even though the FTC did mention that there were �at least 2 lawsuits against BFL in the past, in its first report.

–They seem to have lost touch with reality. This, by the way, was the best part of their whole motion:

Y’know, on one hand, they’re calling us fraudsters, but on the other, they’re letting us back in the building, so we win, right?

I seriously cannot fathom the stupidity it must take to write that second paragraph.�BFL is basically saying �The FTC CLAIMS that we stole up to $50 Million dollars from thousands of customers, yet they let us reopen our doors! They must have finally opened their eyes to the future of Bitcoin! It was all just a big mistake!”

Lets explain: On September 23^rd, the FTC announced that, through court order, BFL was shut down through a Temporary Restraining Order, or TRO, on the grounds that the three main officers, Darla Drake, Nasser Ghoseiri, and Sonny Vleisides, respectively the treasurer, CTO and Innovation officer, had done all the fun stuff we�ve covered. Because it was so blatantly obvious that BFL was going to continue doing what it was doing (And, based on the language here, they DEFINITELY would, since they don’t seem to see what they did wrong), the FTC got a TEMPORARY restraining order, meaning that for a short period of time, operations would cease.

What they are contending in that second paragraph is that because a temporary restraining order lapsed, the FTC has no case. Because, as we all know, when time elapses on a legal matter� law.

There is absolutely no point to their contention here. Because the TRO ended, and the Judge decided he wasn�t going to renew it, they win. Because law.

We’ll be keeping track of this story, and any updates will be posted on our new main site, ButtcoinFoundation.org, or by following us on Twitter. Or don’t, I don’t give a shit.

The post An In-Depth Look at how Butterfly Labs is Going to Lose in Court to the FTC appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

At the request of the Federal Trade Commission, a federal court has shut down Butterfly Labs, a Missouri-based company that allegedly deceptively marketed specialized computers designed to produce Bitcoins, a payment system sometimes referred to as �virtual currency.�

The FTC�s complaint against the company and its corporate officers alleges that Butterfly Labs charged consumers thousands of dollars for its Bitcoin computers, but then failed to provide the computers until they were practically useless, or in many cases, did not provide the computers at all.

The post Float like a butterfly, sting like the FTC appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Defendant�s preliminary response to show cause

The court does not have jurisdiction because it is not within the securities law.

1) freezing Defendants� assets;
It�s ridiculous for the court to freeze my assets that are required to pay rent, utilities, food, etc and be able to pay for an attorney. My wife does not work and cares for our two children.

2) directing Defendants to provide verified accountings to the Commission;
The court has no authority to order this because it is not within the jurisdiction and does not show a need for it.

3) authorizing expedited discovery concerning the location and extent of Defendants�assets;
Three days is too short and there is no reason for it based on other orders. This should be revised based and agreed to.

Have we mentioned he is appearing pro se in court? This should be amazing.

In his ruling, judge Amos Mazzant made the mistake of saying “It is clear that Bitcoin can be used as money” and bitcoiners have taken this to mean that the US court system, along with the rest of the world governments, have declared Bitcoin to be a real currency that will soon destroy the US Dollar, Euro, various Pesos, and so on. Some have simplified it to the point that they are just shouting “Bitcoin is MONEY” at no one in particular.

The post pirateat40 screwed, Bitcoin is real money as a result appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Washington D.C., July 23, 2013 � The Securities and Exchange Commission today charged a Texas man and his company with defrauding investors in a Ponzi scheme involving Bitcoin, a virtual currency traded on online exchanges for conventional currencies like the U.S. dollar or used to purchase goods or services online.

The SEC alleges that Trendon T. Shavers, who is the founder and operator of Bitcoin Savings and Trust (BTCST), offered and sold Bitcoin-denominated investments through the Internet using the monikers �Pirate� and �pirateat40.� Shavers raised at least 700,000 Bitcoin in BTCST investments, which amounted to more than $4.5 million based on the average price of Bitcoin in 2011 and 2012 when the investments were offered and sold. Today the value of 700,000 Bitcoin exceeds $60 million.

The SEC alleges that Shavers promised investors up to 7 percent weekly interest based on BTCST�s Bitcoin market arbitrage activity, which supposedly included selling to individuals who wished to buy Bitcoin �off the radar� in quick fashion or large quantities. In reality, BTCST was a sham and a Ponzi scheme in which Shavers used Bitcoin from new investors to make purported interest payments and cover investor withdrawals on outstanding BTCST investments. Shavers also diverted investors� Bitcoin for day trading in his account on a Bitcoin currency exchange, and exchanged investors� Bitcoin for U.S. dollars to pay his personal expenses.

The SEC issued an investor alert today warning investors about the dangers of potential investment scams involving virtual currencies promoted through the Internet.

�Fraudsters are not beyond the reach of the SEC just because they use Bitcoin or another virtual currency to mislead investors and violate the federal securities laws,� said Andrew M. Calamari, Director of the SEC�s New York Regional Office. �Shavers preyed on investors in an online forum by claiming his investments carried no risk and huge profits for them while his true intentions were rooted in nothing more than personal greed.�

According to the SEC�s complaint filed in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Texas, Shavers sold BTCST investments over the Internet to investors in such states as Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania. Shavers posted general solicitations on a website dedicated to Bitcoin discussions, and he misled investors with such false assurances about his investment opportunity as �It�s growing, it�s growing!� and �I have yet to come close to taking a loss on any deal,� and �risk is almost 0.� Contrary to the representations made to investors, BTCST was not in the business of buying and selling Bitcoin at all.

The SEC alleges that Shavers, who lives in McKinney, Texas, paid 507,148 Bitcoin in investor withdrawals and purported interest payments. He transferred at least 150,649 Bitcoin to his personal account at an online Bitcoin currency exchange. Shavers suffered a net loss from his day trading, but realized net proceeds of $164,758 from his sales of 86,202 Bitcoin. Shavers transferred $147,102 from his personal account at the online Bitcoin currency exchange to accounts he controlled at an online payment processor as well as his personal checking account. He used this money to pay his rent, utilities, and car-related expenses as well as for food and retail purchases and gambling.

The SEC�s complaint charges Shavers and BTCST with offering and selling investments in violation of the anti-fraud and registration provisions of the securities laws, specifically Sections 5(a), 5(c) and 17(a) of the Securities Act of 1933, Section 10(b) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 and Exchange Act Rule 10b-5. The SEC is seeking a court order to freeze the assets of Shavers and BTCST in addition to other relief, including permanent injunctions, disgorgement of ill-gotten gains with prejudgment interest, and financial penalties.

The SEC�s investor alert, prepared by the agency�s Office of Investor Education and Advocacy, recommends that investors be wary of so-called investment opportunities that promise high rates of return with little or no risk, especially when dealing with unregistered, Internet-based investments sold by unlicensed promoters.

�Ponzi scheme operators often claim to have a tie to a new and emerging technology as a lure to potential victims,� said Lori J. Schock, Director of the SEC�s Office of Investor Education and Advocacy. �Investors should understand that regardless of the type of investment, a promise of high returns with little or no risk is a classic warning sign of fraud.�

I hate to say we told you so, but we told you so.

The post pirateat40 Charged by the SEC appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Dear Asset Holders,

I have some very important news to share with you. Some of you will be pleased, and some upset, but I believe this to be a solid, desirable, and fair outcome for those who have put their trust in S.DICE.

SatoshiDice is being sold, in full, to a new company that will take over all ownership, operations, and management. The total sale price is 126,315 BTC, or 0.00126315 BTC per share.

According to the MPEX Agreement, MPEX holders are entitled to receive 0.00126315 BTC per share, alongside other private owners. However, for the good of the MPEX holders and for the sake of the general Bitcoin community, which the site always has intended to support and nurture, SatoshiDice has arranged to pay MPEX holders an additional .00223685 BTC per share bringing the total to 0.0035 BTC per share.

This is a 277% premium over the sale price and a roughly 175% premium over the current market price of S.DICE shares on MPEX. It is also roughly equivalent to the average price of S.DICE shares at IPO (though BTC was $12 back then, and over $90 today).

Note that the MPEX order book for S.DICE was cancelled just prior to this announcement in order to prevent anyone from taking advantage of standing orders.

While I know some S.DICE owners intended to hold for a long time, and will thus be dismayed by the buyout, it is my sincere hope that this compensation level will be amenable. It is substantially higher than the contract mandates, and it is almost 3x higher than all private owners are being paid. It has not been easy to negotiate to this level, but I believe it is the right thing to do.

Further, there will be an additional small amount added to compensate for the previously deducted costs of the new website development, as it did not feel right for S.DICE holders to have paid for development of a site they won�t have a stake in after the buyout.

This letter is being posted roughly 24 hours prior to the payout, at which point MPEX holders will receive .0035 BTC per share plus the small additional amounts mentioned above. MPEX will then de-list the asset and the S.DICE MPEX Agreement will be satisfied. The payout will occur in roughly 20 increments over a period of several hours and will arrive in S.DICE holders� accounts (in the same manner as dividends). All passthrough operators are responsible for their own assets and customers, obviously.

As per the S.DICE agreement, asset owners do not have voting rights to effect operational changes, nor any rights to negotiate nor block a full buyout of the company. Nevertheless, SatoshiDice has kept the interests of the asset holders in mind throughout this negotiation process, and has intended to treat these holders fairly, above and beyond contractual obligations.

I highly value and respect the trust you have placed in me, and I hope this outcome reciprocates that respect.

Kind regards,
-Erik Voorhees

 

Even though he’s cashing out a made man, in a final “Fuck You” he’s decided to force all this shareholders (yes, people bought shares in this sham) to sell at a price he sees fit. No, you can’t hold long term and no you can’t continue to profit under the new ownership. Too bad, read the fine print.

Of course, it wouldn’t be bitcoin without a little bit scamming in the form of some insider trading

Someone bought a bunch of shares just yesterday before the announcement.

Good luck Satoshi Dice and I hope you fucking burn into the ground.

The post Satoshi Dice sold for $12,000,000, forces all shareholders to give up their shares. appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.