First, we bring you a labor of love from the SA forums:

Listen to Buttcoin

Be sure to check out the fantastic Cosby mode!

Now that we’re done with the good, on with the bad!

This all came about because someone linked to a YouTube video somewhere. It was the following track, which is an eleven-year-old girl who undoubtedly was coerced into singing about Bitcoins to a karaoke version of some Disney pop star’s disposable tune. One can only imagine her horrifying father or some creepy older friend jotting down “lyrics” about bitcoins, whispering to himself, “yes, this is good!” and then trying to convince her to sing along into some cheap USB microphone.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/68373288″ iframe=”true” /]

As a companion piece, here is one of SupaDupaMixes‘s “remixes.” To save you the time of listening, the others are sped up a little and slowed down a lot. They are all terrible.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/68528593″ iframe=”true” /]

Moving on, here we find a track simply titled “Bitcoin” that consists of a nauseatingly lurching beat that devolves into a series of loud, harsh fart noises. It seems rather fitting for bitcoin.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/87627926″ iframe=”true” /]

Next up is “Zhou Tonged” with “Mr. Bitcoin.” Zhou Tonged does weird parody bitcoin songs but is, as best I can tell, a true believer. Bitcoin lyrics are just painful.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/63036303″ iframe=”true” /]

Here we find another track named “Bitcoin.” It appears to be a percussive loop with the occasional random noise. Mostly forgettable and entirely arrhythmic.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/62556315″ iframe=”true” /]

When I was younger I had a cheap knockoff Walkman and when the batteries would get a little weak, the tapes would play at a slightly off speed, the motor speeding up and slowing down ever so slightly, making everything sound weird and warbly. This is what happened here. Until the second half, at which point 4 songs are apparently playing together.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/74423942″ iframe=”true” /]

There are some people who should not rap and there are some things that are not suitable as a subject for rap. Here with bitcoin, the two have intersected:

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/52823406″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/34764883″ iframe=”true” /]

This guy has got no flow:

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/84636026″ iframe=”true” /]

This next guy is a special case. He seems technically proficient enough (things are in time and in tune with one another, at least) and there’s nothing glaringly offensive, but his entire profile consists of songs about bitcoins. It’s just a tad obsessive. You can listen to them all here, if you so choose.

Now that we’ve made it through this, you’ll need to brace yourselves. What follows is the worst “music” related to bitcoins that there is and ever will be. I present to you: dank. Dank found infamy on the Bitcoin forums by borrowing bitcoins from people with the promise to pay them back once he became a famous rock star. See for yourself:

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/61432605″ iframe=”true” /]

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/62138351″ iframe=”true” /]

Sadly, his fame and giant rock festival have failed to materialize.

In the interest of fairness, I too have written bitcoin-related music, written as a gag in reaction to someone asking if “anybody [was] selling any exlusive rights to beats for bitcoin”.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/82766023″ iframe=”true” /]

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