Introducing Brettcoin

DreamHost, notable for such things as “websites,” “domain names,” and “I think a goon used to work there,” releases an email newsletter each month to inform customers of important changes, announcements, and features that are coming up or have been made already. In August’s newsletter, their marketing VP opens with a humorous introduction to his new altcoin, BrettCoin.

Brettcoin is a peer-to-peer virtual currency that is generated from electrons – “something from nothing” as we say in the money biz! Brettcoin is a testament to the power of the Internet.

Brettcoin can be used to easily fund things like puppy mills, Scientology, terrorism, and “drugs”.

You can’t yet use Brettcoin to buy food, gas, clothing, or other so-called “goods and services,” but trust me – that day is coming! Once the world wakes up and recognizes the incredible potential of Brettcoin and the immediate improvement to quality of life that only peer-to-peer Bretts can deliver, you’ll have made your first million Brettcoins by virtue of being an early adopter!

Instead of appreciating the humor of this, especially regarding to the hypersaturated altcoin market, bitcoiners took to the streets, er, the basement computer chairs to take a stand, absolutely infuriated that Brett would speak ill of the Church of Bitcoin.

First they took to reddit, to call our brave entrepeneur an idiot and to promise they’d never buy services from DreamHost, which takes little effort on their part, since they were never considering it to begin with, instead opting to choose upstanding webhosts who only accept Bitcoin. Others swore they’d leave, but chances are they’ll just stay, since leaving would require effort. Everyone supporting Brett was shouted down or effectively censored with negative votes, so as not to disturb the echo chamber.

Meanwhile, a handful of dedicated zealots confronted him directly on twitter, insulting him, his company, his new altcoin, and generally being obnoxious. Included in this assault was Roger Ver, still apparently being mind-controlled by the staff of the Magic: the Gathering Online eXchange (Mt. Gox,) who commanded him to call Brett an “idiot” for displeasing the Bitcoin hivemind.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the Bitcoin community is so toxic that it actively stifles innovation. Godspeed, Brettcoin, we here at Buttcoin wish you the kind of success thus far only seen by Cosbycoin.