Have you not been following up on Bitcoin lately? Been in a bit of a haze from the holidays? Or perhaps you’re a heavy alcoholic, unable to function in a normal society and slowly drinking yourself to death? What ever the case for the New Years Blues, it’s important to remember that
2014 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! And to let you know how amazing Bitcoin has been for the past two weeks, /r/Buttcoin reddit user Zotameduáhas broken down the happenings as of late.
Bitstamp got robbed of 19 000 butts. Their response was to close down everything and say they would be back in
24 hours 48 hours 48-336 hourssoonishTM. They came back after a couple of days.
Paycoin is apparently still a scam according to all bitcoiners. The failure to see the irony is total.
Roger “Bitcoin Jesus” Ver got his visa application denied when he wanted to come back to the US. He got upset that they denined him even though he had paid the his taxes. Apparently, tax is not a codeword for bribing the Embassy. Normal people laugh at him for being an idiot. Bitcoiners cry corruption and tyranny.
CoinTerra went bust and you can now buy their old used miners for only $849 each. They need to get them sold badly because they just got sued for 5 million in unpaid server bills. They are screwed.
Bitpay fired 9 people which was good for bitcoin because reasons.
Cloud miner CEX.io have halted mining because they couldn’t make any money on it any more. That was when the price was still at $270. So there’s no money to be made by cloudmining at $270. The current price of $230 will surely be great for bitcoin and miners.
It seems like Bitstamp has halted all payouts again. Totally not a scam.
The Canadian exchange Vault of Satoshi closed down citing low profitability. They will instead focus on their Netflix VPN service which apparently make much more money.
Overstock goes full Bitcoin and will offer staff to get paid in Butts. They even install a bitcoin ATM at the head office.
A silly iOS game that pays out penny shavings to players managed to use 10 % of all transactions for a couple of days. Quite a few of those seem to have been from a couple of users who quickly figured out how to trick the system to pay out repeatedly without playing. Bitcoiners were euphoric and demanded that more games “gave something back to the gamers”. How that business model was supposed to work remains a mystery. I assume it has something to do with maths and the fundamentals.
The gold dealer Amagi Metals that brings the wonderful world of goldbugs and bitcoiners together revealed plans on going full bitcoin. They plan on only accepting butts as payment by 2016 or 2017. The staff will also be paid in butts. Bitcoiners later freak out as all traces of actual bitcoin payment is removed from the site. Something something problems with evil banks.
Nigeria now has their own exchange. Bitcoiners completely fail to see what’s so funny about that.
Paybase got hacked.
Paybase/GAW claim that they have a deal with Amazon so that paycoins will be usable to buy stuff. It seems like they forgot to tell Amazon about that because Amazon are denying any involvement.
HashprofitHashie* gets “hacked” and their site is replaced with references to Disney’s Frozen complete with a link to the song “Let it Go”. It later returns and offer users to mine frostcoins or frozencoins or something. Unclear if it was an actual hack. Most people assume the owners just faked it and ran off with the money.
Then there’s the current 40 dollar drop. It’s a new bearwhalepig, hackers, evil banks, the gubment, illuminati, chinese miners or Bitpay who are to blame. Butters are going mad which is hillarious. On top of that, it seems like miners are starting to pull the plug as well. Stay tuned for a metric ton of comedy gold as this mess unravels.
*Edit: I got the names messed up. Thanks tetondon for sorting it out.