I am a journalist by trade. I also enjoy pistachios.


  1. fuckman
    December 31, 2014 @ 12:07 pm

    you suck dont post ever again you piece of shit

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 9:49 am

      Why does every comment here have 8 upvotes exactly?

      • Wampler Longacre
        January 16, 2015 @ 4:19 am

        His clicking-finger got tired. (And his mom called him to bed.)

  2. disappointedbutt
    December 31, 2014 @ 12:58 pm

    stupid post you dont even know what you are talking about. and its not even funny. i miss borderpatrol.

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 9:48 am

      I do know what I’m talking about. I did research. Its not supposed to be funny, really, but I did try at some points (Which you didn’t like, I guess). And borderpatrol still writes most of the stuff on here, under the name “Buttcoin”.

    • Wampler Longacre
      January 16, 2015 @ 4:19 am

      That’s amazing … I was so keyed-in to the bad capitalization and lack of apostrophe in “don’t” … that I actually SAW “your” instead of “you are” right afterwards. My mind just swapped in the shitty grammar of “your”, even though it wasn’t there, because it just so clearly felt like it should be there…

      You must be some kind of hypnotist!

  3. buttfrustrated
    December 31, 2014 @ 1:26 pm

    Seriously, give it up. You’re the worst writer ever. EVER. Buttcoin doesn’t deserve you ruining it like this.

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 9:47 am

      Man, you sound so definitive. Like, I’m the worst writer, ever. EVER. Also, great username!

  4. buttfuckoff
    December 31, 2014 @ 2:03 pm

    jesus shit this is terrible

    • willfe
      January 1, 2015 @ 11:54 am

      I know. It’s so embarrassing watching someone repeatedly posting the same mindless, abusive comments again and again from obvious sockpuppet accounts just to attack an author who wrote an article they didn’t like.

      Poor guy must have lost a fortune investing in bitcoin and now he’s lashing out at everyone who was smart enough to criticize and stay away from it.

      • Nicsho
        January 4, 2015 @ 10:08 am


  5. Greyhawk
    December 31, 2014 @ 2:15 pm

    If NicSho Is The Future Of Buttcoin, Then I Want Off This Tripe.

    • Nicsho
      December 31, 2014 @ 4:45 pm

      Down with tripe!

  6. Alin
    December 31, 2014 @ 3:46 pm

    The kids are pretty fuckin’ mad about this one, you must be on the right track.

    • Nicsho
      December 31, 2014 @ 4:44 pm

      I think Greyhawk (or someone else) just made a bunch of new accounts to try to insult me. Personally, my roommate and I think it’s hilarious.

      • Greyhawk
        December 31, 2014 @ 5:06 pm

        oh, you CAN be funny after all

        • Nicsho
          January 4, 2015 @ 10:08 am

          Thank you!

      • fuckman
        December 31, 2014 @ 5:44 pm

        lets be clear: everyone hates the article because it isn’t funny. I stopped reading after a few paragraphs because its like 12 pages of you attempting to use bitcoin for some reason, with a bunch of interspersed unfunny link alt-texts.

        the point of buttcoin is making fun of people who use bitcoin and the stupid shit they do, yet you are literally one of those people doing their stupid shit (and in a way that isn’t even humorous). you don’t belong here, please dont attempt to write again.

        one last time i’d like to re-emphasize that nothing in this article is funny at all and you should leave.

        • Nicsho
          January 4, 2015 @ 10:06 am

          Not everyone hates this article. Even the comments from r/Bitcoin were kind. So, right off the bat, you’re wrong. But, barring that, you don’t get a voice. You stopped reading “after a few paragraphs”, your words. You don’t get to judge the whole piece based on “A few paragraphs”. For you to finish your rant by saying “one last time i’d like to re-emphasize that nothing in this article is funny at all and you should leave” is asinine. You do not get to read “A few paragraphs”, then declare “nothing in this article is funny”. Come back when you’ve read my “Novel”, and I’ll respond in kind.

          The point of this article was to explain how tedious Coinbase is to use, and for no real reason. There shouldn’t be 10 emails sent in 5 minutes during the sign up process. There shouldn’t be random delays like not being able to use the account for 30 days, or weeklong delays for “Instant” Bitcoin buys. There shouldn’t be zero protection for your stuff while Coinbase is insured by one of, if not the largest insurance companies in the world against theft. And overall it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months to deal with all this stuff just to buy $25 worth of BTC that, as of today, is now worth $19 USD. Coinbase proves Bitcoin is a giant waste of money, and therefore time. That is the point of the article.

          Buttcoin is a comedy site. That’s the only thing you are right about. And the piece should have been punched up a lot more. But if you are looking at this as “I’m not laughing”, then you have missed the point entirely, and should really feel ashamed for writing such an insulting and pointless comment.

        • Wampler Longacre
          January 16, 2015 @ 4:15 am

          Yeah well you’re not funny at all!

    • honeybunch2k10
      July 3, 2015 @ 4:49 am

      Exactly. Coinbase and Bitcoin in general is pretty $hitty. Of course, the cultists will be upset.

  7. Buttman
    December 31, 2014 @ 4:00 pm

    Jesus, do you actually expect people to sit down and read all this horseshit? I’d ask if you even read what you post, but that’s almost certainly beyond the level of human tolerance for garbage.

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 6:41 pm

      This went through 51 revisions over 2 months, and was looked at by 2 other people who all agreed it was okay to publish. While its not a masterpiece, its certainly not what you’re describing. Also, great name!

  8. Josh
    December 31, 2014 @ 8:19 pm

    “I am a journalist by trade.” For what, the Weekly World News?

    Stop posting.

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 10:09 am

      Weekly World News died in 2007. Along with my talent.

  9. Trucutru
    January 1, 2015 @ 2:41 am

    Nicsho: I know that you want to become a writer/journalist but you have to realize that you *suck* at both things. Ar a fundamental level. Like, seriously, first try to understand what makes good reading and then, only then, begin writing short, concise articles. Good luck.

    BTW, You’re also not funny, and I’m afraid that cannot be fixed (don’t post in a comedy website, seriously)

    • chris
      January 1, 2015 @ 5:42 am

      found the bitcoin hodler

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 10:12 am

      Dear Trucutru ,

      Thank you for your insightful comment. After reading this, I decided to try my hand at goldsmithing. I lost that hand. I miss it. Its the hand I used in the Bitcoin circlejerk. Please tip me so I can pay for hand surgery?

      Nic Schweitzer, Amateur Oncologist.

    • Wampler Longacre
      January 16, 2015 @ 4:14 am


  10. Alafoss
    January 2, 2015 @ 3:40 am

    Why is none of this novel funny?

    I thought we were promised dirt on how coinbase operates, not what ever the fuck this is.

    • Anon1
      January 2, 2015 @ 10:19 am

      This guy scks and i hate every thing about him imma dox him soon just u wait lol XD.

      • Nicsho
        January 4, 2015 @ 9:45 am

        Please do. I’m dying to see what’s on my permanent record (according to Bitcoin).

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 10:13 am

      That was never promised. Who told you that?

  11. Shark
    January 3, 2015 @ 6:00 am

    Who cares if it’s funny or not? This site exists to point out how shitty Bitcoin is. Nothing about this article requires all this belly aching and whining.

    If you want funny, read r/bitcoin

    • Nicsho
      January 4, 2015 @ 10:19 am

      Thank you!

  12. anon2
    January 5, 2015 @ 10:52 am

    Man, you really hit the nail with this article!

    I’ve been following you guys for almost half a year now, and I kinda missed the shitflinging at the comments that old articles used to have. It seems that the change from buttcoin to fundation did cut some of your most casual public.
    It’s always funny to see the balant trolls in action. Keep up with the good work!

  13. -AHS-_Prism
    February 15, 2015 @ 8:33 pm

    i’m sorry king of the dickheads had an hour of time to waste to tell you this article sucks because i couldn’t stop grimacing in embarrassment at the fact that you put yourself through all this shit for comedy / criticism’s sake, holy shit i love this article and i’d love more well written descriptions about how frustrating various bitcoin related services are to realistically use

  14. honeybunch2k10
    July 3, 2015 @ 8:52 am

    So far bitcoin and coinbase seem pretty awful. Let’s see, a week to get your money, err, bitcoins? SERIOUS? If banks or credit cards did that, they’d go out of biz very quickly. Coinbase and bitcoins are newbie friendly.

  15. Ghost of Bruce Lee Roy
    July 30, 2015 @ 3:50 pm

    i like coinbase so i couldnt even finish this garbage. Did you not know that you can view text messages from your computer? Take off sms notifications badges on locked screen and if the phone is stolen scramble it. Not that the common theft would really know who’s phone he is stealing or bitcoin for that matter. I just wasnt sure if you were serious,you friend throwing your phone into a lake as some kind of joke? You are a stupid ass do you know that?