Buttcoin Foundation http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org Buttcoin - It's Bitcoins with Butts! Sun, 19 Jul 2015 03:53:50 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Fork you, got mine http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/fork-you-got-mine http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/fork-you-got-mine#comments Wed, 08 Jul 2015 17:21:26 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3797 In case you haven’t noticed, Bitcoin is going through some pretty intense tribulation right now, with tens of thousands of unconfirmed transactions, thanks to a “stress test” and, on top of that, forking issues due to invalid blocks being mined and propagated by large mining pools. What exactly is going on there? Let’s have someone […]

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In case you haven’t noticed, Bitcoin is going through some pretty intense tribulation right now, with tens of thousands of unconfirmed transactions, thanks to a “stress test” and, on top of that, forking issues due to invalid blocks being mined and propagated by large mining pools. What exactly is going on there? Let’s have someone else explain it for us:

Three months ago I discovered a miner with ~1% of the hashrate that was processing transactions with no signature validation at all. If I had sent that miner a transaction where I spent a million of other people’s bitcoins they would have mined it and the half of the non-verifying miners would likely have given it 6+ confirms for any SPV client; and thats the more fundamental issue here which no amount of version checking would help with.

 

Well that certainly doesn’t sound good. Maybe it should be fixed… jstolfi weighs in:

The core devs tried to activate BIP66 through a very soft fork, so that clients would not even know that it was happening (otherwise they might get alarmed at the word “fork”). So they just let the new rule to be silently activated as soon as 95% of the miners signaled that they had upgraded to the new version of the software (v3). To make the transaction as smooth as possible, they allowed the players (clients, relay nodes, and miners) running both v2 and v3 to talk to each other even after the transition.

But that plan backfired because some v3 miners got a block B from one of the few remaining v2 miners and started to mine on top of it, not realizing that B was invalid under the v3 rules. For a while, that was the longer branch. That branch was perfectly valid for clients still running v2, and was assumed to be valid by some v3 wallet apps that did not do full checking of the blockchain. Meanwhile, other v3 miners, realizing that B was invalid, ignored that branch and started growing (more slowly) their own branch. The ‘bad’ branch was already 6 blocks long when the core devs (who fortunately were watching the blockchain at the time) managed to warn those miners that they were mining an invalid branch. Those 6 blocks were then discarded, and the ‘good’ branch soon overtook it. Fortunately there were no double-spends, and all transactions that were confirmed in the ‘bad’ branch were eventually confirmed in the ‘good’ branch too.

The same problem occurred again a few hours later, and this time the ‘bad’ branch only got to 3 blocks before being abandoned. It is not known whether there were double spends this time.

To guard against possible repeats of the incident, possibly with double-spends, the devs had to issue a warning to all clients (even v3 ones, depending on the software they are using) to wait 30 confirmations (5 hours) for safety.

Thus, what was supposed to be a “stealth” fork became a major PR disaster.

IMHO, the devs blotched the fork. They should have programmed a delay of (say) 2 weeks between the “95% majority” event and the enabling of the BIP66 rules. Then they could have sent a waring to all v2 players, especially the remaining v2 miners and relay nodes, that they should upgrade before BIP66 went into effect. But that would have been bad PR… ha ha.

 

One thing is the ‘consensus rules’ that say when a block is valid. Another thing is the algorithm that miners use when building the blocks that they try to mine. The ‘v3’ label refers to the former only. By stamping ‘v3’ on their mined blocks, they only indicated that they agreed to the version of the ‘consensus rules’ that enforces BIP66 after the triger event.

The software that those miners were running would indeed have checked the BIP66 rule, if it got a chance to do so. But the software only checked the transactions to be included in the block that they were mining, and not those of the parent block that they got from another miner.

The v3 ‘consensus rules’ say that a block is valid after the trigger event only if the transactions satisfy BIP66 (among other conditions) and the parent block is valid. But the v3 rules don’t say that miners have to fully check that the blocks that they issue are valid. It would be better for bitcoin if they did, but miners have the ‘right’ to create their blocks any way they want, even post blocks full of random bits.

The miners should want to post valid blocks rather than invalid ones, because invalid blocks don’t pay anything; but they must win the race against other miners to earn anything. They figured out that they would earn more by gambling that the previous block was valid, and mining on top of its hash only, than by downloading it and verifying it first. If the previous block was v3-valid, their block would be v3-valid too. If the previous block turned out tobe invalid, well, bad luck.

The Bitcoin Core release that includes v3 does verify the parent block before mining on top of it; but miners are not required to run BitcoinCore, and the v3 ‘consensus rules’ do not require anyone to run a particular version of the software.

 

An interesting detail is how the big pools steal the hash of the most recent block from other pools, even before it gets out to the relay nodes. That is why they couldnot even check its version stamp.

 

All they have to do is subscribe anonymously as members of the other pools, and they will get that information as soon as the pool manager receives a mined header from some other member. The pool’s interest is to make sure that the block just mined is valid, and to put all its members to mine on top of it as soon as possible, while it its still sending it out to the relay nodes.

 

To be precise, a miner gets bitcoins for being the first to mine the next valid block. They are not required to verify anything (and it is not possible to check whether they are indeed verifying anything.) They only verify enough to maximize their expected gain.

In particular, when they steal the hash of a recently mined block from some other pool, they are quite confident that it will be a valid block. So they don’t bother to check it, and that gives them a few precious seconds of advantage in the block race.

Usually that is a safe assumption; it failed in this case because of the switch-on of BIP66 and the “victim” of the theft rbeiong out of date.

 

Bitcoiners are blinded by greed? No way that’s possible!

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Bitcoin is Broken (But We Already Knew That) http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-is-broken-but-we-already-knew-that http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-is-broken-but-we-already-knew-that#comments Tue, 07 Jul 2015 14:37:16 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3791 A combination of events have coincided to form a perfect shitstorm, once again proving that Bitcoin is nowhere near ready for the big leagues. An entity known as “coinwallet.eu” has been performing stress tests on the Bitcoin network, flooding it with thousands of transactions for unknown reasons. As of this writing there are approximately forty […]

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A combination of events have coincided to form a perfect shitstorm, once again proving that Bitcoin is nowhere near ready for the big leagues. An entity known as “coinwallet.eu” has been performing stress tests on the Bitcoin network, flooding it with thousands of transactions for unknown reasons. As of this writing there are approximately forty thousand unconfirmed transactions, more or less requiring blocks to be full in order to catch up. Greedy miners pumping out empty blocks doesn’t help this situation much. For the equivalent of a few hundred dollars the Bitcoin network can be choked to death with a whopping 2 transactions per second.

Meanwhile, miners are generating invalid blocks, failing at the one job they have. A recent change to the Bitcoin client software has led to some… issues.

For several months, an increasing amount of mining hash rate has been signaling its intent to begin enforcing BIP66 strict DER signatures. As part of the BIP66 rules, once 950 of the last 1,000 blocks were version 3 (v3) blocks, all upgraded miners would reject version 2 (v2) blocks.

Early morning on 4 July 2015, the 950/1000 (95%) threshold was reached. Shortly thereafter, a small miner (part of the non-upgraded 5%) mined an invalid block–as was an expected occurrence. Unfortunately, it turned out that roughly half the network hash rate was mining without fully validating blocks (called SPV mining), and built new blocks on top of that invalid block.

Note that the roughly 50% of the network that was SPV mining had explicitly indicated that they would enforce the BIP66 rules. By not doing so, several large miners have lost over $50,000 dollars worth of mining income so far.

All software that assumes blocks are valid (because invalid blocks cost miners money) is at risk of showing transactions as confirmed when they really aren’t. This particularly affects lightweight (SPV) wallets and software such as old versions of Bitcoin Core which have been downgraded to SPV-level security by the new BIP66 consensus rules.

 

Essentially some miners are farting out blocks that don’t fit within the new standards and other miners, in a rush to fuck you and get theirs, are grabbing these invalid blocks and building the blockchain upon them, leading to forks as some clients reject these broken blocks and others keep on truckin’, regardless of the validity of their transactions. It’s now advised to wait for 30 confirmations instead of 6, because, much like VISA and Mastercard, you have to wait an entire day for your card to be approved.

The flood of test transactions on top of this is like diarrhea icing on a shit cake.

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Bitcoin haiku http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-haiku http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-haiku#comments Mon, 13 Apr 2015 13:00:37 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3784 A couple of days ago someone in our dedicated subreddit started a thread to create Bitcoin haiku. In typical Bitcoin fashion, we’re stealing it all. tatertatertatertot “bitcoins.” and then he laughed. but who laughs last? (the one who laughed at bitcoin.) nobodybelievesyou frictionless money futuristic and secure sorry for your loss Purplekeyboard Every Bitcoin tale […]

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A couple of days ago someone in our dedicated subreddit started a thread to create Bitcoin haiku. In typical Bitcoin fashion, we’re stealing it all.

tatertatertatertot

“bitcoins.” and then he
laughed. but who laughs last? (the one
who laughed at bitcoin.)

nobodybelievesyou

frictionless money
futuristic and secure
sorry for your loss

Purplekeyboard

Every Bitcoin tale
Begins with, “Fuck you, got mine!”
Ends, “Fuck, you got mine!”

Unistrut

Bitcoin price falls down
Hold the line! Trust Satoshi!
Tears fall, like your coins.

kadonka

reassuring words
with eerie robot cadence
hi i’m roger ver

Paradigmist

hey, I liked your post
have a penny for your thoughts
WHOA, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

serpentine91

To the Moon we go
Oh no, the price crashed again
Back to Mom’s Basement

PoopToucher3000

it’s that time again
please post the number for the
suicide hotline

Not to be outdone, SA forums goons got in on the action:

Trig Discipline

“cryptocurrency”
means “even you can’t find it”
sorry for your loss

at least tulip bulbs
grow into pretty flowers
bitcoin’s just hot air

Sweevo

all this mining heat
dries my strawberries nicely
help i have heatstroke

bucketmouse

eternal cycle
screaming, smug, crying, giddy, sad
cryptocurrency

theflyingexecutive

dread pirate roberts
will rot for life in prison
please send magazines

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Mining Rig Megapost http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/mining-rig-megapost http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/mining-rig-megapost#comments Fri, 13 Feb 2015 14:00:46 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3423 In between Butterfly Labs buying Buttcoin and the FTC saying “buttcoin,” we made the move to our new home here at the Buttcoin Foundation. We did, however, suffer a grievous loss during the move: many of our posts highlighting the best Bitcoin mining rigs were lost. Today this changes. Some of these may be repeats, […]

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In between Butterfly Labs buying Buttcoin and the FTC saying “buttcoin,” we made the move to our new home here at the Buttcoin Foundation. We did, however, suffer a grievous loss during the move: many of our posts highlighting the best Bitcoin mining rigs were lost. Today this changes.

Bitcoffin-767x1024 messy-KgeUI somanycards-HWYcp pods-If3wO deskmess-lDN1W woodenmess- tinyfan-AlOMM Insane-4-x-HD5870-Miner-mod chair-e87ekl

Some of these may be repeats, but here is the Buttcoin Foundation’s entire collection of amazing mining rigs. 

 

4yWfRl datacenter-EdwDUtQ datacenter-ge8tB3N datacenter-bmwgcwQ datacenter-11eCGrP cooling-3Bp7E0r fans-6H8hW2O cardboard-IpuTWh4 living-room-tire-akuPhWi plants-ToupcFz crates-r0cp2oU windtunnel-IMG_1374_zpsb5d4311c windtunnel-IMG_1372_zps9b561a06 ziptied-rig3-medium ziptied-rig1-medium hanging-boxfans-rig1 range-hood-KkL5tCk redbox-WP_20130723_006 crates-pIxRoCsl crate-KCZhs7b cooling-6A8F4BE6-0888-46C7-B90E-B8D21D32D231_zpsccektpfq basket-IMG_20140305_102747 datacenter-nEjiFf9 blocks-93qVp che-PYdKwl itworkerdeath-w3YVJl cave2-cGTvk The-Ghetto-Moneymaker-mod2 The-Ghetto-Moneymaker-mod3 The-Ghetto-Moneymaker-mod zipties-RHdm4 whattupdog-KHsbZ livingroom-Ne7h1 cornermining-lVR89 ziptie-l9O6R fgpamining-KmCJe 200 amp 3 phase 480 ... 165kW fanrack-IMG_1953 wallmount-Mg3s0 messy-ihLrY boxcrate-OuKiSl lego- cinderblocks-xVMAX cave-26nTi presario- compaq-hE3hn presario-SYR92 milkcrate-Mf4nm corner-RRaedIU wiremess-8qYheIc washingmachine-DYzUgR2 cave1-2sFjRDA seethrough-wYS4VZe redlager-3AbM8DL swimmingincards-bReHB5W btc-u0fvTvy btc-j8Tbtaa scrapwood-AhzJs bigassfan- giantcrate-u2cVIsf 6,5kW power draw, before cooling Avalon with Protective Gloves octopus-FPGA Cardboard3.jpg Cardboard2-640x477.jpg Cardboard1.jpg cardboard-svjilQul.jpg wallmining-DcxpxMo.jpg Cooling2-640x360.jpg DoubleBarrelled.jpg Crate3-640x477 MDF-480x640.jpg washerdryer-nVvGDt5.jpg minirig-IMG_20130618_171440.jpg ksld-OUTNEqK ksld-9ubyI5G ksld-tXUN3OC ksld-TscE9kk ksld-sr2x3Zn ksld-piuEC1u tuJHdlV-pleasepleaseletthatbeadoll vents-outside-5okf vents-outside-mzyp Asicminer USB 4560 US-Dollars Asicminer USB 3780 US-Dollars Asicminer USB 9702 US-Dollars bendingrack-lvlx5Q5.jpg pi-rxUFjjY.jpg boxfan-cGeAaej.jpg watercooled-IU8aT96.jpg gpurack-fLOsVHl.jpg cardstack-YpNwnb1.jpg USBming-f6uFea4.jpg usb-Svv1bmt.jpg bigfan-aRfCj49.jpg cleanyourroom-BkyW68Jh.jpg crate-IT4b8cGh.jpg minimalist-CsGsG8Ch.jpg Bitquarium-640x480.jpg Bitmail-1024x682 Bitcoinpile-640x480 Bitfan Coinoven01-888x1024 Coinoven02-768x1024 Coinoven03-1024x768 Coinoven04-1024x768 Coinoven05-768x1024 Coinoven06-1024x768 Coinoven07-1024x768 Coinoven08-1024x768 Coinoven09-1024x768 Coinoven10-1024x768 Coinoven11-1024x768 2fans BitBasket2-640x480 Crate1-640x479 Crate2-640x480 GunKnifeMiner-640x480 basketrack-l5EAt.jpg glasstable-AEBzB.jpg levelup-GxHo6.jpg garagemining-lKV5U bigmess-bejj0.jpg cardboard-xrhjj.jpg ductwork-CIMG0440.jpg itsalive-nZK2gJV closet-15NcaC8.jpg ku-bigpic The-Superior-mod 2x-Gigabyte-HD7970-mod fire-risk-miner-mod usb-pMHjKhu green-Xtgk2mj noairflow-akCPqwC ikea-TeNwJ3m acrack-m32Gsil Blockeruptor preserve-tQ78Zhk outdoor-ESOqFDT kinex-LhPjkaN kinex1 ButtPipe01-uaRpSiV JesusBuiltMyBitrod ProfessionalCooling-GNcX9KU CrateTower-Pl23wHX ButtPipe02-Xglsry5 ButtPipe03-h5GbtrQ ButtPipe04-PtzWWLx Airflow-oDE8I8q SaltNPepa-UWjynLV CarpetStains-uihgw3s GameOfGroans-9VtKxLP Sarnsung Avalon-chimney-PXXNXXn Creepy-Green-Light-5kMXdet Box-of-Pi-VQNyP9B Extreme-cooling-VY2iC gpuracks1-5b54ml (2) gpuracks2-VY2iC fire-hazard-box-gEcFRjY space-heater-k0uxJhL concrete-walls-0GPy8AE bitcoin-squatters-TiuqYBu double-sided-gpu-cooling double-sided-gpu-cooling2 Bitbox-CHhIWGv Trashpile-fRKChCp bitbox-1-2gwRo72 bitbox-2-bxuJ1nA bitbox-3-CcVJnMW bitbox-4-LaHC6Gh mosquito-miner-DvXH5oW altcoin-xtreme-1-cYpniBm altcoin-xtreme-2-iaifMBw altcoin-xtreme-3-eNNAcRj altcoin-xtreme-4-nrY6YxF altcoin-xtreme-5-VKupkNL altcoin-xtreme-6-12FdseE pegboard-1-bAEtscE pegboard-2-nMJc670 wall-of-fans-8kPPZ7H snow-rig-Q0CKtOj gpu-rack1-Yge8vqx gpu-rack1-KHoPJXi 1tpLknOh pP6t5Snh Thug-Life-Lvdxp4H basket-DlEyEYY cardboard-2e366wx knex-nDrWlmN knex-paDYkVV Dangly-bits-JZGsgTJ pinerack-v0xNWNa hosed-dWZ3qAY ACunit-vRAMjiA coasters-BFW0bzD USBrack-P183ZKR zipties-RlcoJcd pinerack-sOjCb1w notasupercomputer-tyD9DTC DVDrack-sXxsAAm buttcabinet-wNc0N4G buttcabinet-HSaWrte knexrig-olntF2z gpucrate-L1WYy1S PVCrack-1l4C4BM MacBookAmateur-F0RBit3 aluminum-mRSOEyX snapon-xrYlGpl snapon-Ie9MtCi FANSFANSFANSFANSFANS-CNupdwM windtunnel-ycYVQ1k BARF-qhkivj6 trippedbreaker-rXRLl70 Ikea-heatstroke-1OMYWjj Ikea-heatstroke-iI9UbMm Ikea-heatstroke-tuaPzdU doge-HAkkeaJ 4U2DZ51 fancrate-VrLTG56 fancrate-Aa2SvVU fancrate-nrAvwiY fancrate-xt6OplN sawhorses-rzeQviZ bitbucket-P1298503 bitbucket-P1308513 catbox-7fbOPS4 hanging-racks-IDcl5xq kales-pals-rig-1743622_620522208001275_10264686_n kales-pals-rig-1689878_619041754815987_1500970520_n sapphire-box-Ydjz07Q yellow-fan-iCBz9rL lego-chimney-fFCjUyL lego-chimney-0oiMXIu lego-chimney-W194Igi fans-ViszqYR outdoor-Uo5oBeL pvc-QRewqoe fanrack-gaKPXOw cabinet-wHANade bitcrate-8ab9be44_o bitcrate-6098f92b_o 1901216_626959604024202_37859103_n 1926798_626406664079496_2110067193_n 1661544_625350527518443_18795683_n fans-mshxu1 USBwindtunnel-2z59etf fans-PRCRlHY fans-0iZGiOh fans-xZZxWGJ fanshelf-FThAjq4 fanstack-uBBBbr4 blue-jHcgEkX bitracks-DSC_0505_1024 bitracks-9tWrEpLmb8TZYA bitracks-isjk7ys0zcVQpQ wastedroom-DSC_4661_zpsbcc1eef9 wastedroom-DSC_4660_zps56eb2028 electricalfirehazard-DSCN0519 boxfans-jgh5z2c fans-O2Z5Y7r unfinishedbasement-r2uCAOI itstape-wpid-20131127_201816 r31WbPF BKApDF2 eK9S40m RLMcQpy k7hXyeJ KPeXRiW VxE4Rha 6hBQQP1 FUoMU3b qIn7upI tmYsXiC icecubes-m20y9 watercooled-01 watercooled-02 watercooled-03 watercooled-04 boxes-HUMOsh boxes-B1Yvth pile-206994 bitcabinet-img5577v bitcabinet-img5571a bitcabinet-img5572e bitcabinet-img5576sl bitcabinet-img5573ig bitcabinet-img5574l bitcabinet-img5575ll stacked-4FBRH crate-296n4hc fatalonety-ztEZ3 pile-IMG_1327-1 bitbox-DSC_0314 bitcabinet-img5578t bitcabinet-img5582 bitcabinet-img5579t bitcabinet-img5581pv bitcabinet-img5583a bitcabinet-img5590t bitcabinet-img5591g bitcabinet-img5587n bitclutter-snc18055 bitclutter-snc18054 microwave-tYSpQzTl craterig-h8qMaeo bitcage-photo3 ducktape-lXmhAtK crate-miner_zps453b8e7f cardboard-P1250058_zps5daf8473 cables-jlSl22uTdZ8WNw 4fans-Os8xzpk bitcrate-GkYpcWM spaceheater-yjtcH4d spaceheater-SqogzXK spaceheater-d9XEkIQ spaceheater-dhpcFx1 image_1327 983625_649128201807342_5662043984783674573_n UB8B279 dust-WslLztV woodbox-SDC12729 woodbox-SDC12730 tinderbox2-cLWpRHil tinderbox3-I1svLtIl octorig-hzw26Xh cables-CHCXvI9wJJvckA 55I50kL mBRlt9e plywood-n5HqFpd plywood-koz8q28 before-plywood-Sl8DjvJ woodboxes-VabVpUb solar-13951821694_51b93cece6_b solar-13928272092_5d0a740f7d_b solar-13951942834_1f91d87190_b binned-20140316_221908 binned-20140316_221917 binned-20140316_221940 binned-20140316_222107 busted-crate-03qwPGRl

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Bitcoin is still the punchline http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-is-still-the-punchline http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/bitcoin-is-still-the-punchline#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2015 16:01:58 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3415 In case you needed more proof that bitcoiners don’t understand humor, SA Forums goon surebet went wading through the shitheap at Bitcointalk to find more “jokes” written by them. He is a braver man than I. One evening the bitcoin blockchain came to a halt, it turns out Chuck Norris had mined all the remaining bitcoins, […]

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In case you needed more proof that bitcoiners don’t understand humor, SA Forums goon surebet went wading through the shitheap at Bitcointalk to find more “jokes” written by them. He is a braver man than I.

One evening the bitcoin blockchain came to a halt, it turns out Chuck Norris had mined all the remaining bitcoins, and the difficulty was larger than Graham’s number.


Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow?
A: The Leprechaun took it and traded it for bitcoins!


lol bitcoin its orange .
orange not give happines
but always gives money
how my jokes cans makes you laugh right ?


Why did the bitcoin cross the road?

To get to the china bubble


Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Bitcoin.

Bitcoin Who?

A peer-to-peer decentralized crypto-currency that utilizes open source software and public ledger called the blockchain to provide proof of work in solving the encrypted transactions ultimately increasing security and control in your personal finances.


How many Bitcoins does it take to screw the banking system?
Moon.


Jack and jill went up a hill, both with half a bitcoin.

Jill came down with 1 bitcoin, that fucking whore.


Schrodinger’s cat knows your private key. Maybe.


How do you make enough time for all the work and play with your computer?
– You don’t. You mine with the GPU.

How do you know it’s P2Pool?
– Balance still 0.00000000 after months of mining.

How do you know it’s Bitcoin?
– All your inputs are less than the minimum fee per input.


Why did the Bitcoin cross the silkroad?

To commit computer hacking, traffic in fraudulent identification documents, and money laundering conspiracy.


Is that an Antminer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me.


A Gavincoin and an MPCoin meet in a bar. Says Gavincoin to MPcoin: ‘fork you!’ Says Mpcoin to Gavincoin: ‘No, fork you!’


A Bitcoiner jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Bitcoiner: Just take me for a ride.

A Shitcoiner jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Shitcoiner: What makes you think I’m goin’ anywhere?

A Dogecoinger jumps into a cab…

Cabbie: Where to, bud?
Dogecoiner: Very far. Much fast. Wow.
Cabbie: Wow, as in Bow?
Dogecoiner: So clever.

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Karpeles Did It and the Fine Art of Buttcoin http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/karpeles-did-it-and-the-fine-art-of-buttcoin http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/karpeles-did-it-and-the-fine-art-of-buttcoin#comments Mon, 26 Jan 2015 18:26:47 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3398 Ever since the other day when Ross Ulbricht’s flailing defense tried to finger Mark Karpeles, SA Forums goons have done some investigating and found that Karpeles not only could have hacked Ulbricht’s laptop through bittorrent, but he’s also apparently had a hand in much bigger events in history. The Buttcoin Foundation and its many members wish to […]

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Ever since the other day when Ross Ulbricht’s flailing defense tried to finger Mark Karpeles, SA Forums goons have done some investigating and found that Karpeles not only could have hacked Ulbricht’s laptop through bittorrent, but he’s also apparently had a hand in much bigger events in history. The Buttcoin Foundation and its many members wish to share with you this evidence:

Erenthal:

nmq7glB

uncurable mlady:

YlTWB6C

Erenthal:

Kd2UUIR

Furthermore, it seems that Karpeles and other Bitcoin superstars have been around much longer than anyone knew.

Erenthal:

tmS0YnK

Nenonen:

D4KuZTl

Sweevo:

ngUnB7Q

Alan Smithee:

SeNMowb

Nenonen:

a4v8hj9

Nenonen:

MrC8IhI

pylb:

aSRjp8U

triple sulk:

7iMVreH

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Roger Ver’s head on a stick http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/roger-vers-head http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/roger-vers-head#comments Sun, 18 Jan 2015 00:55:04 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3387 Bitcoin Jesus 2.0 Roger Ver’s been denied re-entry to the United States recently, since he’s a whiny jerkwad who threw a fit over taxes and renounced his citizenship. He can’t come to various Bitcoin conferences in person, so in the vein of fellow Bitcoin criminal Charlie Shrem, he’s going to attend conferences via an iPad […]

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Bitcoin Jesus 2.0 Roger Ver’s been denied re-entry to the United States recently, since he’s a whiny jerkwad who threw a fit over taxes and renounced his citizenship. He can’t come to various Bitcoin conferences in person, so in the vein of fellow Bitcoin criminal Charlie Shrem, he’s going to attend conferences via an iPad on wheels.

To celebrate this development, goons spent the afternoon thinking up better names for this arrangement than “Double” or “iPad on a stick”.

Powershift:

prick on a stick

snake on a rake

knave on a stave

Barnyard Protein:

con on a baton

My PIN is 4826:

dick on a stick

fake on a stake

Tanith:

Fraud rod

shrem-stem

Graft Shaft

Alan Smithee:

shitheels on wheels

Dex:

rolling blunder

vOv:

tripe on a pipe

Nenonen:

spergway

ayn rand hand job:

freep on a leash

Exinos:

Sovereign stickizen

PleasureKevin:

free man on the stand

 

Thanks to all the goons above whose work I have shamelessly stolen in the name of the Buttcoin Foundation.

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2015 is the year of Bitcoin! http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/2015-is-the-year-of-bitcoin http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/2015-is-the-year-of-bitcoin#comments Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:27:54 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3382 Have you not been following up on Bitcoin lately? Been in a bit of a haze from the holidays? Or perhaps you’re a heavy alcoholic, unable to function in a normal society and slowly drinking yourself to death? What ever the case for the New Years Blues, it’s important to remember that 2014 2015 is […]

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Have you not been following up on Bitcoin lately? Been in a bit of a haze from the holidays? Or perhaps you’re a heavy alcoholic, unable to function in a normal society and slowly drinking yourself to death? What ever the case for the New Years Blues, it’s important to remember that 2014 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! And to let you know how amazing Bitcoin has been for the past two weeks, /r/Buttcoin reddit user Zotamedu has broken down the happenings as of late.

Bitstamp got robbed of 19 000 butts. Their response was to close down everything and say they would be back in24 hours48 hours48-336 hours soonishTM. They came back after a couple of days.

Paycoin is apparently still a scam according to all bitcoiners. The failure to see the irony is total.

Roger “Bitcoin Jesus” Ver got his visa application denied when he wanted to come back to the US. He got upset that they denined him even though he had paid the his taxes. Apparently, tax is not a codeword for bribing the Embassy. Normal people laugh at him for being an idiot. Bitcoiners cry corruption and tyranny.

CoinTerra went bust and you can now buy their old used miners for only $849 each. They need to get them sold badly because they just got sued for 5 million in unpaid server bills. They are screwed.

Bitpay fired 9 people which was good for bitcoin because reasons.

Cloud miner CEX.io have halted mining because they couldn’t make any money on it any more. That was when the price was still at $270. So there’s no money to be made by cloudmining at $270. The current price of $230 will surely be great for bitcoin and miners.

It seems like Bitstamp has halted all payouts again. Totally not a scam.

The Canadian exchange Vault of Satoshi closed down citing low profitability. They will instead focus on their Netflix VPN service which apparently make much more money.

Overstock goes full Bitcoin and will offer staff to get paid in Butts. They even install a bitcoin ATM at the head office.

A silly iOS game that pays out penny shavings to players managed to use 10 % of all transactions for a couple of days. Quite a few of those seem to have been from a couple of users who quickly figured out how to trick the system to pay out repeatedly without playing. Bitcoiners were euphoric and demanded that more games “gave something back to the gamers”. How that business model was supposed to work remains a mystery. I assume it has something to do with maths and the fundamentals.

The gold dealer Amagi Metals that brings the wonderful world of goldbugs and bitcoiners together revealed plans on going full bitcoin. They plan on only accepting butts as payment by 2016 or 2017. The staff will also be paid in butts. Bitcoiners later freak out as all traces of actual bitcoin payment is removed from the site. Something something problems with evil banks.

Nigeria now has their own exchange. Bitcoiners completely fail to see what’s so funny about that.

Paybase got hacked.

Paybase/GAW claim that they have a deal with Amazon so that paycoins will be usable to buy stuff. It seems like they forgot to tell Amazon about that because Amazon are denying any involvement.

Cloudminer Hashprofit Hashie* gets “hacked” and their site is replaced with references to Disney’s Frozen complete with a link to the song “Let it Go”. It later returns and offer users to mine frostcoins or frozencoins or something. Unclear if it was an actual hack. Most people assume the owners just faked it and ran off with the money.

Then there’s the current 40 dollar drop. It’s a new bearwhalepig, hackers, evil banks, the gubment, illuminati, chinese miners or Bitpay who are to blame. Butters are going mad which is hillarious. On top of that, it seems like miners are starting to pull the plug as well. Stay tuned for a metric ton of comedy gold as this mess unravels.

*Edit: I got the names messed up. Thanks tetondon for sorting it out.

2035_autoplay_gif_gif_vince_mcmahon_wwf

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Explain Like I’m Five: How does mining secure the Bitcoin network? http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/explain-like-im-five-how-does-mining-secure-the-bitcoin-network http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/explain-like-im-five-how-does-mining-secure-the-bitcoin-network#comments Tue, 06 Jan 2015 16:14:37 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3376 Have you ever wondered how Bitcoin miners secure the Bitcoin network? It takes a bit of skill, a bit of ingenuity and a bit of amazing magic to secure man’s most important invention since agriculture. Something Awful forums poster rjmccall breaks it down for us in simple terms even us non-bitcoiner dummies can understand: look, it’s […]

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Have you ever wondered how Bitcoin miners secure the Bitcoin network? It takes a bit of skill, a bit of ingenuity and a bit of amazing magic to secure man’s most important invention since agriculture.

Something Awful forums poster rjmccall breaks it down for us in simple terms even us non-bitcoiner dummies can understand:

look, it’s simple. you have a Happy Burger brand fast food establishment, and sometimes kids come in and want their Happy Burger brand Happy Kiddy Burger, which according to the Happy Burger brand franchise operating instructions is supposed to be 4oz of usda utility grade hamburger lightly grilled and pressed into a poppy seed bun with two slices of mild pickle and a slice of tomato and a piece of iceberg lettuce and the name of the kid written on the top in half an ounce of Happy Burger brand special sauce about which the less said the better

so naturally what you do is, you post an ad saying, cooks wanted, please bring your own grill and meat and bun and pickle and tomato and lettuce, we’ll supply the sauce

and you get an applicant, and you send him down to the Hall of Cooks, which is a featureless infinite plane that you keep in the unlit basement of your Happy Burger brand fast food establishment. and you tell him to just keep making burgers and handing them up, and if he hands up a burger that satisfies your standards, you’ll pay him a bonus, which is $100,000, plus the price of the burger, which is $.50

now the cook can’t see too good down there, and he keeps handing up burgers that are more like pickly meatballs with a swastika painted on the side in tomato sauce, but as long as the meat’s cooked the health department won’t shut you down, so you keep taking them and dutifully handing down briefcases of cash with a few quarters tossed in. and the cook’s pretty happy, even after you summarily declare one day that you’re only going to pay $50,000 per burger in the future

so the cook calls in a friend, and she sets up in the Hall of Cooks and starts handing up burgers, and now you’re getting acceptable burgers faster than you can sell them. so you raise your standards a bit, and you insist that burgers have to be on a bun, and that cuts production back down to a manageable rate. but the cooks are still pretty happy, even after you cut the burger bonus again to $25,000

this goes on for a while, and now you’ve got a hundred cooks down there, and you’ve started demanding that they spell out the kid’s name correctly, and that’s not easy. so now they’re not just making burgers to your increasingly exact specifications, they’re racing each other to be the first to get the kid’s name right. but you’re still paying $5,000 a burger, and apparently the cooks are still happy, because more and more keep showing up

you get curious one day while you’re squeezing into your franchise past the giant mountain of rotting discarded hamburgers, and you head down to the Hall of Cooks. the last time you came down here, there were only six cooks, and they were just standing around in a disorganized circle; but now they’re organized into these large groups. in one of them, you find your first cook, and he shakes your hand. “remember when we’d just started out and i was lumping up store meat by hand and cooking it on that tiny old george foreman?”, he laughs. “that was before we figured out cookie cutters and rolling pins.” he’s standing at a huge professional-grade charbroiler with twenty-four different patties arranged on it; suddenly, in a single efficient flash of movement, he flips them all over. of course, the dull glow of the grill isn’t enough in the utter blackness of the Hall, and most of the patties end up on the ground, which you suddenly realize is a lot spongier than it’s supposed to be. also, doesn’t the ceiling seem lower? you shake it off and head back upstairs to start taking orders, wondering when it’ll be the right time to cut the bonus to $1,000

it’s been another year. there are tens of thousands of cooks in your basement. you’re rejecting burgers for sloppy handwriting. you’re rejecting burgers for having too thick a slice of tomato. you’re rejecting burgers for excessively clustered poppy seeds. seven months ago, the cooks started building floor-to-ceiling ovens with internal robotics custom-designed for making Happy Kiddy Burgers; now there are whole fields of them, each making ten thousand burgers a second. of course, it’s still pitch-dark down there, and the cooks aren’t exactly susan calvin, so almost all of those burgers get added straight to the end of the Great Greasy Mountains, but it’s amazing how quick they come now. you overhear a few of the cooks talking excitedly about the orders they just placed for massive new ovens from Barbecue Labs. you don’t know how any of them can afford this when the burger bonus is only $100

three months ago, you politely asked whether they could start making the adult Happy Burgers, too

for an entire day, all the burgers had your name written on top in poison

And now you know how important it is to have tens of thousands of miners ensure a secure and robust network.

 

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Seen outside the Bitstamp headquarters today http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/seen-outside-the-bitstamp-headquarters-today http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/seen-outside-the-bitstamp-headquarters-today#comments Mon, 05 Jan 2015 21:03:46 +0000 http://www.buttcoinfoundation.org/?p=3372 Shame, really

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bitstamp-hobos

Shame, really

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