This blog is now in archive-only mode! We have new outlets for expressing our excitement and contempt for all forms of cryptocurrency now!

You can follow us and laugh along with Bitcoin and other cryptocurrency projects on our twitter, @Buttcoin.

You can also talk with other global banking shills on our subreddit, /r/Buttcoin.

While we are officially putting the blog out to pasture, Buttcoin is not dead. We still hate you all.

The post Buttcoin is pooped. appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

A combination of events have coincided to form a perfect shitstorm, once again proving that Bitcoin is nowhere near ready for the big leagues. An entity known as “coinwallet.eu” has been performing stress tests on the Bitcoin network, flooding it with thousands of transactions for unknown reasons. As of this writing there are approximately forty thousand unconfirmed transactions, more or less requiring blocks to be full in order to catch up. Greedy miners pumping out empty blocks doesn’t help this situation much. For the equivalent of a few hundred dollars the Bitcoin network can be choked to death with a whopping 2�transactions per second.

Meanwhile, miners are generating invalid blocks, failing at the one job they have. A recent change to the Bitcoin client software has led to some… issues.

For several months, an increasing amount of mining hash rate has been signaling its intent to begin enforcing BIP66 strict DER signatures. As part of the BIP66 rules, once 950 of the last 1,000 blocks were version 3 (v3) blocks, all upgraded miners would reject version 2 (v2) blocks.

Early morning on 4 July 2015, the 950/1000 (95%) threshold was reached. Shortly thereafter, a small miner (part of the non-upgraded 5%) mined an invalid block–as was an expected occurrence. Unfortunately, it turned out that roughly half the network hash rate was mining without fully validating blocks (called SPV mining), and built new blocks on top of that invalid block.

Note that the roughly 50% of the network that was SPV mining had explicitly indicated that they would enforce the BIP66 rules. By not doing so, several large miners have lost over $50,000 dollars worth of mining income so far.

All software that assumes blocks are valid (because invalid blocks cost miners money) is at risk of showing transactions as confirmed when they really aren’t. This particularly affects lightweight (SPV) wallets and software such as old versions of Bitcoin Core which have been downgraded to SPV-level security by the new BIP66 consensus rules.

Essentially some miners are farting out blocks that don’t fit within the new standards and other miners, in a rush to fuck you and get theirs, are grabbing these invalid blocks and building the blockchain upon them, leading to forks as some clients reject these broken blocks and others keep on truckin’, regardless of the validity of their transactions. It’s now advised to wait for 30 confirmations instead of 6, because, much like VISA and Mastercard, you have to wait an entire day for your card to be approved.

The flood of test transactions on top of this is like diarrhea icing on a shit cake.

The post Bitcoin is Broken (But We Already Knew That) appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Bitcoin Jesus 2.0 Roger Ver’s been denied re-entry to the United States recently, since he’s a whiny jerkwad who threw a fit over taxes and renounced his citizenship. He can’t come to various Bitcoin conferences in person, so in the vein of fellow Bitcoin criminal Charlie Shrem, he’s going to attend conferences via an iPad on wheels.

To celebrate this development, goons spent the afternoon thinking up better names for this arrangement than “Double” or “iPad on a stick”.

Powershift:

prick on a stick

snake on a rake

knave on a stave

Barnyard Protein:

con on a baton

My PIN is 4826:

dick on a stick

fake on a stake

Tanith:

Fraud rod

shrem-stem

Graft Shaft

Alan Smithee:

shitheels on wheels

Dex:

rolling blunder

vOv:

tripe on a pipe

Nenonen:

spergway

ayn rand hand job:

freep on a leash

Exinos:

Sovereign stickizen

PleasureKevin:

free man on the stand

Thanks to all the goons above whose work I have shamelessly stolen in the name of the Buttcoin Foundation.

The post Roger Ver’s head on a stick appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Have you not been following up on Bitcoin lately? Been in a bit of a haze from the holidays? Or perhaps you’re a heavy alcoholic, unable to function in a normal society and slowly drinking yourself to death? What ever the case for the New Years Blues, it’s important to remember that 2014 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! And to let you know how amazing Bitcoin has been for the past two weeks, /r/Buttcoin reddit user Zotamedu�has broken down the happenings as of late.

Bitstamp got robbed of 19 000 butts. Their response was to close down everything and say they would be back in24 hours48 hours48-336 hours soonish^TM. They came back after a couple of days.

Paycoin is apparently still a scam according to all bitcoiners. The failure to see the irony is total.

Roger “Bitcoin Jesus” Ver got his visa application denied when he wanted to come back to the US. He got upset that they denined him even though he had paid the his taxes. Apparently, tax is not a codeword for bribing the Embassy. Normal people laugh at him for being an idiot. Bitcoiners cry corruption and tyranny.

CoinTerra went bust and you can now buy their old used miners for only $849 each. They need to get them sold badly because they just got sued for 5 million in unpaid server bills. They are screwed.

Bitpay fired 9 people which was good for bitcoin because reasons.

Cloud miner CEX.io have halted mining because they couldn’t make any money on it any more. That was when the price was still at $270. So there’s no money to be made by cloudmining at $270. The current price of $230 will surely be great for bitcoin and miners.

It seems like Bitstamp has halted all payouts again. Totally not a scam.

The Canadian exchange Vault of Satoshi closed down citing low profitability. They will instead focus on their Netflix VPN service which apparently make much more money.

Overstock goes full Bitcoin and will offer staff to get paid in Butts. They even install a bitcoin ATM at the head office.

A silly iOS game that pays out penny shavings to players managed to use 10 % of all transactions for a couple of days. Quite a few of those seem to have been from a couple of users who quickly figured out how to trick the system to pay out repeatedly without playing. Bitcoiners were euphoric and demanded that more games “gave something back to the gamers”. How that business model was supposed to work remains a mystery. I assume it has something to do with maths and the fundamentals.

The gold dealer Amagi Metals that brings the wonderful world of goldbugs and bitcoiners together revealed plans on going full bitcoin. They plan on only accepting butts as payment by 2016 or 2017. The staff will also be paid in butts. Bitcoiners later freak out as all traces of actual bitcoin payment is removed from the site. Something something problems with evil banks.

Nigeria now has their own exchange. Bitcoiners completely fail to see what’s so funny about that.

Paybase got hacked.

Paybase/GAW claim that they have a deal with Amazon so that paycoins will be usable to buy stuff. It seems like they forgot to tell Amazon about that because Amazon are denying any involvement.

Cloudminer Hashprofit Hashie* gets “hacked” and their site is replaced with references to Disney’s Frozen complete with a link to the song “Let it Go”. It later returns and offer users to mine frostcoins or frozencoins or something. Unclear if it was an actual hack. Most people assume the owners just faked it and ran off with the money.

Then there’s the current 40 dollar drop. It’s a new bearwhalepig, hackers, evil banks, the gubment, illuminati, chinese miners or Bitpay who are to blame. Butters are going mad which is hillarious. On top of that, it seems like miners are starting to pull the plug as well. Stay tuned for a metric ton of comedy gold as this mess unravels.

*Edit: I got the names messed up. Thanks tetondon for sorting it out.

The post 2015 is the year of Bitcoin! appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

You may have noticed that there was a college football game on yesterday and it was called the Bitcoin Bowl (formerly known as the Beef O’ Brady’s bowl which was also formally known as the MagicJack bowl). A decentralized crypto-currencydid not sponsor the game, rather it was the Bitcoin-to-fiat payment processor Bitpay who shit outmillions of VC dollars to sponsor the 4thcheapest college bowl game, just ahead of theFamous Idaho Potato Bowl.

While Twitter was mainly bashing on the absolutely shitty looking baseball-turned-football field and trying to score free bitcoins by using the #BitcoinBowl hashtag, we had a mole on the inside whoneeded to kill 4 hours waiting for his bedspread to be dry cleaned and decided to go to the actual game and give us a rundown on just how bad it was.

SomethingAwful forums poster “N00baTheHutt” had this to say:

 

Trip report time!

As previously mentioned, I didn’t see much in the way of obvious Bitcoiner activity at the game. It was basically a Central Florida home game, since they are from Orlando, only a few hours’ drive away, and that dominated the crowd. Coming through the turnstiles, people were greeted by a bunch of attractive girls in Bitpay shirts handing out glossy literature (more on that in a bit). I wandered over to one of them to ask if there was any centralized location where I could get a bunch more Bitcoin freebies (hoping for pitchforks, really), but she sheepishly confessed that she didn’t really know and wasn’t at all involved with Bitpay – they apparently just hired a bunch of women not even remotely affiliated with them to hand out their literature. Not really a surprise. Walking through the concourses, I did see a guy in a Pirate Bay shirt and a woman in a shirt saying “Bitcoins Not Bombs,” but that was about it for any bitcoiners. I did hear some people talking about it in the stands, though most of it was “Yeah, so you pay real money for internet money, but can you get it back out into real money?” and jokes about paying all featured charity donations in bitcoins.

Game balls were delivered by a group of Army Rangers rappelling down from the roof of the dome. This was done to the strains of Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries,” though I’m not sure if anyone besides me found that a bit, uh, ironic.

The Bitpay executives were there for the coin toss to determine first possession. One of them brought his dog.

Probably a third of the seats at the Trop were blocked off, and even those that weren’t had plenty of free seats.

Didn’t quite get around to covering up all the MLB logos on the turf.

This thing didn’t show up in the plebian seats where I was – far as I can tell, it made a brief appearance in the sponsor/bigwig seats and nowhere else. Hopefully it has since been sucked back to the nether hells from whence it came.

I think these are some of the people behind the magazine we all got.

One of the other sponsors was apparently a group called ViralStyle, who look to be a bunch of classy folks.

The ads played several times during TV timeouts in the stadium. Reception did not seem overly enthusiastic.

INTERLUDE: How to molest your ray

Halftime featured the NC State marching band performing a medley of Daft Punk hits. Doesn’t work so well with marching bands. We also got to see a very special moment as the Key to the City of Madeira Beach was presented to the Bitpay team. Madeira Beach is VERY proud to be the FIRST official Bitcoin City and Bitcoin Beach in the WORLD, apparently. I’m counting the days until the city is hacked and their budget mysteriously vanishes.

It took four hours to play one hour of football. The game was pretty mediocre for much of it, too, as evidenced by this yawning cameraman.

NC State won. I’m very disappointed that the trophy wasn’t just a big coin. Missed opportunity.

Here’s the literature that was being handed out! It’s… interesting stuff, that’s for sure. Are you bit-curious?

Table of contents.

If only that wolf was colored red. Could’ve made it a Guy Fox.

Goldbugs and Bitcoiners: a match made in scam heaven.

All the profiles of “innovators” are apparently sponsored content, which amuses me greatly. But it’s okay,yBitcoin magazinewriters interviewed them before writing the puff pieces, so it’s almost like real journalism, not advertising.

You can read the rest of the magazine yourself.There’s some fun stuff in there, and I found several contradictions between articles just flipping through it before kickoff. I recommend seeing what else you can find.

I can’t wait until 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 finally becomes the year of Bitcoin!

The post The Bitcoin Bowl really did happen and we had someone at the game. appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

That tweet, posted�five days after Benthall’s arrest, links to an address that currently has 0.34 BTC donated to it, or roughly 125 bucks. Wondering how a convicted man could get access to his Twitter account behind bars, I asked him for an interview, and provided my email address.

A few days later, Ars Technica and The Daily Dot both reported, via Benthall’s lawyer, that the account had been compromised. The day after these articles came out, a second tweet was posted:

Yesterday, November�21st, “Blake Benthall” finally contacted me. Which was weird.

First, I needed to make sure that this really was the person from Twitter. Two things confirm it:

1. The email used was “[email protected]”, the same email the FBI says he used to register servers for Silk Road 2.0.

2. Here’s the first email I got, with the subject line “Bitcoin Twitter”, from “[email protected]”, with a bit of a private message I sent to Mr. Benthall’s Twitter account:

Since this was a private message, only someone with access to the account could have read it. Therefore, I am completely convinced this is the real account.

As you can see,�this person�asked me for Bitcoins. This will be a running motif. I told him that I don’t pay for interviews and that I knew he wasn’t Blake, both because the lawyer had said so and because the email was in broken English. But even though�I knew he wasn’t Blake,�I still wanted�to know why he took over the account. Was he just trying to scam people for cash? Was he a vendor or buyer on SR with�some vendetta against Blake? Some third thing?

He responded a few hours later:

On top of the broken English, this email now has actual Russian.�The sender, again, asks for Bitcoin, then says he is a friend of Blake’s and offers me “exclusive” stuff ��presumably�from the email account, but maybe this guy got access to Benthall’s computer. Who knows? Either way, I tell him again that�it’s my policy not to pay for interviews. But I did�send him my questions.� And I got this response:

I reiterated again that I wouldn’t pay him. I haven’t heard back from him since.

So there you go. I got an email from the guy who hacked Blake Benthall’s Twitter. �Close enough! Yay!

UPDATE: Apparently, Mr. Benthall got released on November 21st. If he’s reading this, I’d like a reply sometime soon. Maybe we could start over?

UPDATE #2: Benthall deleted his Twitter account. Or someone did. Either way, the tweets above are gone. I’ll get static images up soon. Also, before the deletion, “Blake” asked me for money on Twitter for “Exclusives”. So, technically, he did get back to me.

The post The Time “Blake Benthall” Emailed Me appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

Poor Blake Benthall.

What’s a former SpaceX engineer to do when your favorite drug buying marketplace, Silk Road, goes under? Do you possibly risk going outside, into the real world,and interact with other people?No, of course not. You start a new drug empire and invite an FBI informant to be your number two on the very first day of operation.

And that wasn’t even the dumbest thing he did during the rise and fall of Silk Road 2.0.

Blake Benthall is software engineer living in San Francisco. He worked for SpaceX for a few weeks before quitting. He went to the University of Florida, bounced around a few startups, ran a tech incubator from his house, helped create a project to bring Linux to the iPod, was an eagle scout and took some awkward pictures with his very unfortunate forehead. By all accounts of what we can see, it was your average Silicon Valley engineer, fuckingaround and disrupting whatever industry he happened to bump into.

Let me play you song of my people (privileged 20-something white males living in the Bay Area).

According to the FBI’s criminal complaint, Blake seemed rather upset that the original Silk Road has closed down and wanted to be part of the team that rebooted the old code into a new incarnation, dubbed Silk Road 2.0

Here are the timeline of events of how Blake came into power at Silk Road 2.0:

• October 2nd, 2013 – The Silk Road online drug marketplace is shutdown andRoss William Ulbricht, A.K.A., Dread Pirate Roberts, is charged in federal courts of being an enormous shithead.
• October 7th – A discussion forum is set up for discussing how to re-open Silk Road. A man calling himself Dread Pirate Roberts publicly claims he’s not THAT DPR and he’sextending an offer to all the other drug dealers and vendors of the old Silk Road website to set up shop and the new Silk Road 2.0
• October 8th –THE NEXT FUCKING DAYDPR2 gives the FBI informant moderator access to the forum and control over hidden parts of the site. The entire operation is compromised before the site is even launched.
• November 6th – Silk Road 2 goes live and there is much rejoicing. DPR2 is still the admin at this point.
• November 13th – Blake Benthall, who goes by the super lame handle “Defcon” (and commonly called “Defcunt” by the other admins) gets added as a site admin. His mom prints out his forum profile and puts it on the fridge because she is so proud.
• December 20th – 3 admins from Silk Road 2get their asses hauled to jail and have federal charges files against them. DPR2 realizes what a stupid idea this was and bails on the entire operation. Blake sees this as his moment to shine! In fact, one of the admins even posts a warning that law enforcement must have infiltrated the site and to remove all coins immediately. Blake decides to reassure everyone that everything is OK.

• December 22nd – Blake decides to massively inflate his e-peen by publicly posting the SR2 forums that as the second in command he’ll be steering this ghost ship.
• December 28th – Blake says that he’s the new sherrif in charge. He promises to literally put his life’s work into this compromised illegal drug empire and formally removes any doubt whatsoever of what his role in the site would be.

From this day on it’s Blake Benthall’s site to run. And he runs it terribly. The FBI document is light on details on how exactly the FBI gained control of the servers, but since the FBI informant was forum admin since the first day we can imagine it wouldn’t be terribly difficult to find where the servers are. In fact, there’s a lot to parse in this document but for this article we’re just going highlight just how bad a job Blake did of trying to cover his tracks.

When the server was ultimately located in another country the FBI had the local law enforcement make an image of the server. While the server was down for imaging, Blake posted a message in the forums noting that he was aware of the downtime.

After inspection of the server, they located chat logs between Blake and DPR2 that carefully explained the handoff of admin duties.

The interaction between Blake and his ISP that hosted the server seems to hold the majority of the evidence against him. Because he was a colossal idiot, he used Tor and hid his tracks quite well when interacting with the Silk Road 2 website, but when it came to any other interaction with the host or management activities he did zero to cover his tracks.

He didn’t use Tor to submit support tickets complaining about the server outages and alsoused an unusual combination of abeta browser and an out of date OS.This was easy to match up the site visitor information tohis laptop..

He accessed the customer support from ahotel wifi over clearnet. He also registered the room withhis real name.

And tweeted about being at the hotel the day before.

But the most idiotic, moronic, stupidest thing he could have done was register the server usinghis own vanity email address.

Not only that, he sent private messages from the Silk Road 2 administrator panel to his personal account, removing any doubt that the owner of email account also knowingly controlled Silk Road 2 servers

All this while he was urging the vendors and users to use stronger encryptionand the site adminswere helping to lower the risk of FBI honeypots

When they did eventually catch up to Blake the trailed him at his house and matched up “Defcon’s” available/away timeouts with his time spent at home.

BONUS: Remmeber that guy that bought a Tesla with Bitcoinslast year? It was probably him too.

At this pointyou would think that Blake Benthallis the dumbest drug kingpin you’ve ever seenbut in one last ditch effort to surprise everyonehe opens his mouth and throws away his only bargaining chip.

In court, federal prosecutor Kathryn Haun said that Benthall was likely to flee and should not be released. “He was found with over $100,000 in cash at home,” Haun told the court. “He has a passport. We’re not aware of whether that was secured. In addition to all of the detail, Mr. Benthall did admit to everything after receiving his Miranda rightsthat he was the administrator of Silk Road 2.0. Our principle basis is flight risk at this point.”

…

His attorney, Daniel Blank, a federal public defender, said that he only met his client for the first time in court on Thursday.”You could fill a large volume with what I don’t know,” Blank told reporters after the hearing.

Prosecutors also reportedly found a laptop filled with customer and vendor information, stored unencrypted

After raiding his home, the FBI says Benthall’s PC (which was not encrypted in any way) had full “address lists for customers all over the world that will be of significant interest to many global law enforcement agencies.” Prior to the raid, the U.S. DEA made purchases from the Silk Road 2.0, including heroin, cocaine, LSD and Oxycodone. Each was then tested and all tested positive for illegal drugs.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Blake Benthall, chief dumbass.

The post Blake Benthall and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

On October 28th the FTC released a statement opposing the defendants of the Butterfly Labs case (Darla Drake, Nasser Ghoseiri and Sonny Vleisides) intent�to pay for their attorney fees with frozen funds. If you remember fondly, Butterfly Labs stole that cash from consumers, so the FTC is saying they shouldn’t be allowed�to�use said stolen funds to support/defend themselves. Note that this is just them opposing it, since they aren’t actually ruling on anything. That’s the courts job.

Meanwhile, the Western Missouri District Court just published a new�2 page order saying Butterfly Labs needs to stop acting like a huge asshole or else they’re going to be called into court for�a separate case to talk about their behavior.

So whats been going on? According to the report:

Disclosure: This was between pages 1 and 2, so that line is where the page split. The quote is continuous, just like your mom.

Basically, BFL is being a child, and everyone else is being the adult telling them not to throw their spaghetti at the waitress, then call her fat. There are�no specifics, but we’d like to assume its the same “YOU DON’T KNOW THE TRUTH” stuff, only against “THE MAN”, but without anyone around to point out to them how stupid that tactic is.

Between not being able to pay for their attorneys with stolen funds and possibly having 2 cases against them in the same court, Butterfly Labs�is completely fucked.

Butterfly Labs is currently being operated by a court approved Temporary Receiver (TR). That means that whoever the court places in that role manages the company until the court makes a decision to return control back to the original owners, or something else (in this case, die slowly yet hilariously, like a man falling into an open sewer and suffocating on jenkem fumes). In this case the TR is Eric Johnson of the firm Spencer Fane�and, looking at his bio, is absolutely qualified to do so. The court, if it finds Butterfly Labs innocent (since this is all just a big misunderstanding after all) will give Butterfly Labs back control and resume operations. Presumably then, the orders will be shipped and everyone will be happy until their miners become obsolete in 2 days.

Except that’s not going to happen because Butterfly Labs is clearly guilty. And with the Temporary Receiver and Court being harassed by these idiots, how do you really think this is going to go down? Well, until it goes the way we hope it does, the company cannot do refunds, take calls, or really do much of anything. This affects 20,000 people waiting for orders that will probably not be fulfilled, and with this distraction refunds will be delayed.

And again, to be clear, some of the tasks of a Temporary Receiver is to run the company so that it can make money to get itself out of the hole. This�includes closing entire sections of a business because it costs too much money or finding assets. The FTC is alleging Butterfly Labs stole up to $50 Million in consumer funds and that could mean there might not be enough for refunds.

So the receiver�and the court are�working on a limited time frame here to do their respective jobs, and Butterfly Labs is harassing them, plus the FTC’s lawyers, and potentially stalling this case out so they can take a court ordered “sit in the corner”-type punishment.

So if you do not get your refund, or if its severely delayed, blame Butterfly Labs for acting like gigantic assholes, turning their company into a legal clusterfuck of both existing (but run by a court) and not existing (its probably going to die in court). If Bitcoin is the honey badger, and the honey badger has no fear of anything, maybe its time for Bitcoin to learn some fucking manners and not attack everything simply because it’s “The Currency of the Future”.

The post Butterfly Labs Has Become a Legal Clusterfuck appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

There is an incredible thread on r/Bitcoin right now�on how Bitcoin clearly isn’t catching on through its 1 documentary, so the cult�should spread the ‘Coin to fiction. Specifically movies, or, to, be more�specific, heist movies.

THIS IS THE BEST BITCOIN IDEA, EVER. They could do so many “Based on a True Story”-type movies, because Bitcoiners, as a community, have been scammed and stolen from countless times. I don’t even need to list examples like Mt. Gox or MintPal, just Google “Bitcoin Stolen”, and you get a list as long as long as pi.

A user on BitcoinTalk has posted a list of Bitcoin Heists since 2010. It was so big, they had to start a new thread due to character limits. Buisness Insider says based on the evidence presented by these lists (Which we’re going to assume is credible, since we’ve established these people don’t fuck around with their precious ‘Coin), over 818,485.77 BTC was stolen, estimated at $500+ Million Dollars.

By their estimates, that means 1 out of every 16-17 BTC is owned by someone who stole it.

Do you know what an awesome movie that could potentially be? The currency of the future: Stolen. Liam Neeson is: The Collector. Christmas 2014. Awesome.

Or it would have been, had the Ed Wood’s of the web not decided to take the cool factor out of the heist and replaced it with the following�pitches:

procabiak
How about a 300,000 bitcoin BIP38 private key embedded onto a $50,000 diamond?

tenthirtyone1031
Spoiler: They used multisig. The paper wallet was broken in to pieces and held by X number of people around the world. Two different groups are racing to collect the pieces. No one knows how many signatures they need. After three failures the cold wallet locks forever.

escapevelo
So weird that I had this idea today too when I woke up this morning, albeit, with a different script idea. My script was based around a developer that creates an app that allows him to create anonymous bounties to get anything done in the real world. The bad guys are chasing him, but the app allows him to stay one step ahead of them by paying anonymous strangers to do tasks.

So Roger Ver’s new “Bitcoin Bounty Hunter” thing. Or alleged Silk Road mastermind Ross Ulbright’s alleged murder plot. Honestly, that’s decent, but not original. Next.

jcoinner
It should be story of some guys who break in and steal the private key for the FBI $130 million address. Months of planning and reconnaissance, daring social engineering, hi-tech gadgetry and zero day exploits. But wait, Jack Bauer is on the scene and all is lost until he is convinced to join the team and thwart the evil FBI agents who are about to sell the key to a Russian hacker for 10% (in unrelated coins). The team gets the key and away but before they have a chance to sweep the coins Jack has divert them to an African charity outfit “and they’re gone”…

What is it with these guys and “Social Engineering”. I swear I’m doing an article someday on how truly awful they are at it. Also, Jack Bauer is a trademarked character. You can’t use him. I know you can understand that. And why would Jack give the coins to an “African Charity Outfit”. And what’s a “Charity Outfit”? And what $130 FBI address? A Bitcoin Address? Their physical address is worth $130 Million?

This is probably the first movie “Best of the Worst” could just read and critique, without even needing to see the movie.

And, to be clear, the plot here is a highly skilled team breaks into the FBI, a highly secure area with the potential of being shot on sight, and steal millions with their hi-tech gear.�Sound familiar?

Next.

The_Evil_Within
If we’re going to crowd-fund this, we should (obviously) raise the funds in Dogecoin. (I hope the meta-humour aspect is obvious…)

Oh yeah! Ha! I get it! Obviously!

I’d say suspense/comedy loosely based on the MtGox story. Except you need a physical break in aspect to the heist, and probably some kind of special government strike force in play at the same time.

A Suspense Comedy? The hell�is that? And based on Mt. Gox? Mt. Gox wasn’t a heist, it was a tragic case of incompetence gone unchecked in the libertarian utopia. A heist movie based on that would not be related to the Mt. Gox tragedy story at all! Its like comparing�Edward Penishands�to Alice in Wonderland: Sure, they have that Tim Burton connection, but one is a porno, and the other is a kids movie! They’re two completely different things, barely hanging by a single thread.

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do…

A “Suspense Comedy” based on Mt. Gox is an oxymoron, like “Jumbo Shrimp” or “Successful Long-Term Bitcoin Investment”. Next.

n1nj4_v5_p1r4t3
Just get me a GoPro and ill make it!

Y’know, I looked up this guy on YouTube, and nothing. Did a Google Video search, and found this pro-marijuana site. Turns out his only video experience is commenting this�on a video:

Do an Image search on his name, and its marijuana everything. In short, he’s a stoner without a camera. Considering Bitcoin’s development history, he’s perfect! Get on it, N1nj4!

Perish_In_a_Fire
Plot twist: At the end, when the police get the paper wallet, the owners transfer their bitcoins to another offline wallet, making the physical paper worthless.
In Hollywood terms, they’d make the balance shrink to zero dramatically with a sound effect.

Problem: Explaining that plot twist to an audience that�has no idea what Bitcoin is�would take so long, the only suspense that would be in the theater is the guy who falls asleep, then wakes up suddenly when the seat in front of him squeaks loudly. PUT SOME WD-40 ON YOUR SEATS, EDWARDS 21 IN BOISE, ID. I WANT TO TAKE A NAP DURING TRANSFORMERS 4.

By the way, the sound effect of “The Balance Shrink” would be this:

Also, this thread explains a lot about the Bitcoiner’s mindset: There is no main plot they are all “Crowdsourcing”. Its just adding “Plot Twist” onto “Plot Twist”. They are just looking for the reward, and not doing the work themselves. Explains a lot, actually.

ilhaguru
The blockchain needs its “THE MATRIX” movie moment.

What the fuck was the Matrix’s “Movie Moment”? When it got inducted into Guinness Book of World Records? When research papers popped up around it? �When it made a Billion globally? When it made $2B globally? When it made $2.5B globally? When Larry (Sorry, Lana) Wachowski became Lana Wachowski? Exactly what and when did “The Matrix” have its “Movie Moment”?

And what good would a “Blockchain” movie be in a post-Matrix world? It’d be seen as a ripoff, and lose all of its money. Next.

yaginuma
I want to see Zack Galifianakis digging for a hard drive in a garbage dump.

Again, there’s just the reward, but no context or set up. There is no work here. Its just a cool reward he’d like to get to, ASAP. In fact, the only�fleshed out plot and Buttcoin Award recipient for weirdest fucking movie pitch so far is from this guy who is seriously violating Poe’s law with his post:

crap_punchline
Hackers 2: Bitcoin Boogaloo

Directed by M. Night. Shywhatever

Soundtrack by Skrillex

Plot: A group of young hackers lead by notorious nude celebrity photo hacker “Dubst3pWarr10r@MP3” (played by Shia LaBeouf) discover Bitcoin and use it to hack the Government Infastructure Business Security Ordnance Network (GIBSON) in order to take down the Fed and reboot the finance system with the currency, but all of their Bitcoins get hacked by a paedophile terrorist called “Reddit0r” (played by Dustin Diamond), so they embark on a mission to infiltrate a costume convention using the youngest member of their hack crew, a 9 year old transgendered video game champion, to lure Reddit0r into a sex sting trap on a show called To Catch A Reddit0r, where he is caught red handed (literally with his hand down a child’s pants) and is forced to surrender the Bitcoins but then they all die in a surprise Coen Brothers inspired twist ending.

Left here, without comment.

In the beginning of the Reddit post, the OP asked for a producer. Well, believe it or not, I worked at, then ran a public access TV studio in Boise, ID for 3 years. And I can say this with 100% certainty: all these pitches are incomplete messes, and the one almost-developed pitch would only work as a porno, because of the level of lame parody in it.

Noted Film Critic�Mike Stoklasa once said

Movies are a blend of art and business.

That basically means movies are half artistic, as in writing, acting, set design, props, directing, lighting, etc., and business, or pitch meetings, budgets, balance sheets, revenue streams, monetization�through merchandise and trademarking, etc.

From the failures I’ve seen, both here and in the Bitcoin community as a whole, no Bitcoin movie will ever come from this. That’s probably why the one forum is “BitcoinTalk”, and not “BitcoinAction”, because all these people do is talk, but never do. The most they will ever get from film or TV is that brief plot point in the cancelled FOX series “Almost Human“:

What a bunch of dickhands.

The post The Greatest (Bitcoin) Movie Never Made appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.

In a Reddit thread where the Bitcoin community tries an outreach program to understand why someone who understands Bitcoin would still�have a negative view of it, a lone small business owner speaks up (now edited) and offers an insightful opinion on why he doesn’t think that Bitcoin is worth the trouble for his shop:

I am a business owner. My sole interaction with Bitcoin comes from Bitcoin missionaries.

Not a single Bitcoin missionary has come in that hasn’t raised my ire. From being told that it’s “natural for older people to fear technology” (I’m in my 30’s) to being told that Bitcoin will allow me to make “real money”, it’s been nothing but a condescending shitshow of buzzwords.

It doesn’t save me money on credit cards. Don’t bother, I’ve walked through this with them before. But then they say “Well, what about POLITICAL reasons, hmm?”

If I’d listened to the kids who come into my store, I’d be locked into a bunch of $1000 coins lost in Mt. Gox. Then, later, I’d invest in that new business-minded bank, Neo Bee, which would help me with all my commerce needs! Then, to top it off, I could get a Robochain ATM to further bilk my customers.

There’s a never ending swarm of condescending college kids trying to pitch me ideas that end in disaster over and over. I’ve written about them before. Remember the whole “YELP LOVES BITCOIN!” thing? Yeah, I had to scrape those fucking “promo” stickers off my door.

The thing is, like I said, Bitcoin doesn’t help me. But you know how I hear about Bitcoin? From the same type of people that come in trying to get me to sign up for “United Electro Company TO SAVE BIG MONEY!” or “Totally not a scam ATM Company TO MAKE YOU BIG MONEY!”

And, like I said, it doesn’t help that I keep getting pitched ideas that fail. Plus, as much as you guys talk about how it isn’t about the price, you should connect to the guys handing out pamphlets business-to-business.

There is literally no difference in behavior from someone coming into my store trying to scam me, and the Bitcoin people. Same behavior, same pitches, same everything.

So now when an awkward kid dressed in their dad’s ill-fitting suit come ins, dragging a buddy and pamphlets, we play the following game:

Watchtower or Blockhain?

Reddit, in their ongoing effort to seem friendly to newcomers and help them understand the nuances of the technology and�how it can better their lives, puts their best foot forward and respond to common criticisms.

They call him a liar, a troll, and try the same tired schtick he’s just got done explaining that he’s heard a million times before.

[�]jonstern 3 points an hour ago

Bitpay? No risk and you pay 1%. How can you say that doesn’t save you on 3% credit card fees?

 

[�]yourliestopshere 3 points 2 hours ago

This was silly. Not being condescending, just observing. Its okay for a new technology to meet resistance, we should all expect this, but to compare bitcoin to a company that interacts with bitcoin, is entirely different, that is silly, or illogical. I understand your frustration, but if you care for an opinion worth repeating or public, you’d be better off googling more. There is a lack of understanding here, there needs to be clarification. If I can help, just ask.

 

[�]Forlarren 0 points an hour ago

The OP asked for informed opinions, sciencelovesyou doesn’t like bitcoins because of ignorance (admittedly knows little to nothing and doesn’t want to learn for reasons), and an anecdotal experience. Doesn’t exactly qualify but it got upvotes.

 

[�]Forlarren 0 points 41 minutes ago

Yes, ignorance, it’s not a dirty word.

I’m sure you know all sorts of things but bitcoin isn’t it and that’s what the OP asked for.

 

[�]Forlarren -1 points 40 minutes ago

He understands a few things about what he doesn’t like bitcoin, that in no way means he “understands bitcoin”. Even admitted so himself. Not what the OP asked for.

 

[�]Forlarren 0 points 23 minutes ago

Apparently because I told some Jehovah’s witnesses to got off my porch I now qualify as an expert in all things church related.

Either that or the shills don’t understand the OP’s question at all when they upvoted this post.

 

[�]MyDixieWreck4BTC 7 points 5 hours ago

Did you hear the one about being able to communicate with strangers miles away electronically?

 

[�]felipelalli 0 points 4 hours ago

Did you hear “bitcoin is about freedom“? This one is true.

 

[�]ToTheGroundGuy 1 point an hour ago

What sold you on credit cards?

You’re obviously a very strongly opinionated person.

Why do you accept them?

 

[�]dewbiestep 0 points 3 hours ago

If you buy into an insolvent exchange at the height of a speculation bubble, that’s not the fault of the missionaries. Mt gox was an incredibly stupid place to hold money for a year before they bailed. You should do due dilligence before making any of these decisions. But i’m sure the missionaries are annoying, and that alone will turn you away even if they’re talking about a good thing.

 

[�]Forlarren 2 points an hour ago

“But i’m sure the missionaries are annoying, and that alone will turn you away even if they’re talking about a good thing.”

This is a good way to go out of business.

 

[�]Forlarren 1 point 23 minutes ago

Too bad it isn’t what the OP asked for. You are just upvoting a criticism because it’s a criticism you agree with, not one coming from deep understanding of fundamentals that the OP was asking for.

 

[�]Perish_In_a_Fire -1 points 55 minutes ago

This is really a well-crafted astroturf piece. My congrats.

Coming off like a business owner who would’ve single-handedly been “ripped off” by every bad situation in Bitcoin and would have had coins lost on Mt. Gox!

What are the odds? I’d say they’re pretty fucking astronomical. But then again, we’re taking you at face value, aren’t we? We’re also assuming you don’t have any axe to grind against bitcoin in general, that you don’t have a business that enjoys a relatively lax credit-card processing tier – or indeed, does enough business to qualify for one.

I mean hell, for all we know you repair old televisions and typewriters, and couldn’t care less about Bitcoin because none of your clients would understand it.

Your story seems severely skewed. Pro-tip – if you want to sound more credible, just list one or two knocks for why you think Bitcoin won’t help you. It seems you went overboard and decided to go for the gusto – and it seems a bit forced.

 

[�]Perish_In_a_Fire -1 points 26 minutes ago

Hit a nerve?

It would’ve been more believable if you had just stuck to one or two, just remember that for next time. Nobody believes the guy that says he hit every pothole in the road

 

[�]Forlarren -1 points 21 minutes ago

No I agree, you haven’t actually shown any knowledge of bitcoin, just repeated a few headlines and bitched about your (potential) customers.

Anyone leaving coins on Gox automatically means they aren’t the opinion the OP was asking for.

 

The guy was eventually run out of the subreddit and deleted all his posts.

Way to go guys! What a warm and welcoming community!

The post Business Owner sounds off about Bitcoin Missionaries trying to convert him, the flock does not take well to dissenting opinions. appeared first on Buttcoin Foundation.